Mead, lutes and smutty Santas – most German cities have Christmas markets, but some are very different, writes DEREK SCALLY
Dresden
Medieval market
The Saxon capital is best known for its massive Striezelmarkt – now in its 576th year – and one of Germany’s oldest markets.
At this stage in its history, the market is a victim of its own success: a sprawling affair with stalls of hugely varying quality. Disappointed visitors will find consolation hidden in the old royal stables at the heart of town.
Behind the wooden doors is a medieval market that is a true trip back in time.
The music is provided by lute players, the drink of choice is not mulled wine but Met – hot mead. All staff are dressed in traditional clothing and the foods are period, too – hearty breads and hefty meat cuts. For those willing to brave sub-zero temperatures, the market offers an outdoor hot tub, too.
* mittelalter-weihnacht.de
Munich
Pink Christmas
A short hop from the traditional Kristkindlmarkt is Pink Christmas, the seasonal market for the Bavarian capital’s gay scene. The trees are pink, not green, while the traditional wooden huts have been dumped in favour of white pagoda stalls.
Now in its sixth year, the market claims to have the best mulled wine in the city and live entertainment from 7pm each evening with local drag stars like Kitty Tornado, Petra Doren and Baby Bubble.
* pink-christmas.de
Hamburg
Smutty Santa
The Reeperbahn is Hamburg’s notorious boulevard of entertainment and vice, located in the St Pauli neighbourhood. Now the fun extends to the Advent season when Spielbudenplatz is transformed into the Santa Pauli market.
The organisers describe it as “Hamburg’s horniest Christmas market” where “not just Santa will jingle your bells”. As well as the usual market attractions, there are smutty pleasures such as traditional gingerbread hearts plastered with risqué messages in icing.
The real attraction of the market comes every evening at 7pm when the “Santa Strip Tent” opens for business. Here you can watch what organisers describe as “sexy angels” and “muscle-packed gnomes” performing for the pleasure of all. “It’s not just the mulled wine that’ll keep you warm,” they promise.
The video on the website gives ample proof of that.
* santa-pauli.de
Cologne
Floating festivities
The city has half a dozen Christmas markets, but only one floats on the Rhine. The MS Wappen von Kölnhas around 40 stands and, on the panorama deck, a breathtaking view of Cologne cathedral and the surrounding city skyline. Stalls range from handcrafts to fair trade products, as well as offering a selection of gingerbread and marzipan. Each evening at 6pm, Santa arrives to tell stories to the children.
Berlin
Bohemian rhapsody
The German capital has Christmas markets at every corner, of dramatically varying quality. The market behind the Staatsoper opera house on Unter den Linden provides the best all-round experience in the centre of town, while the upmarket fair on the nearby Gendarmenmarkt is a good place for gifts.
Anyone looking for a treat should head to the market on Richardplatz in the heart of the Neukölln neighbourhood. The village created by Bohemian settlers has survived remarkably intact, giving a small-town feel in the heart of the city.
The market is held on the second advent weekend. Get there just before closing time for free Glühwein.
Emergency German
Ein Glühwein bitte– one mulled wine, please
Pfand– the deposit on the mulled wine mug, which you can keep if you wish for a cheap souvenir
Grog– hot rum
Mit schuss– with an extra shot
Ich komme aus Irland- I'm from Ireland
Nein, wir sind noch nicht pleite– No, we're not broke, yet