Go Cyprus: Conor Popehad fun in the sun at an upmarket resort in Cyprus but found lazing about in luxury a little quiet
AS I’M HOISTED off the back of the speedboat by a parachute billowing loudly in the wind, my vertigo suddenly comes to mind. It’s not the best time to remember that I’m not great with heights but, unless I want to make a complete fool of myself by flapping even more wildly than the brightly coloured silk behind me, there’s no way back onto the boat.
I climb higher and higher, close my eyes and wait for the end. Then the parachute falls silent and, as I fly in glorious sunshine high above Pissouri Bay on the south coast of Cyprus, the fear of plunging to my death fades and I find myself enjoying my first paragliding experience.
It is just one of a range of water-based activities offered at the five-star Colombia Beach Resort which sits on the edge of this little known bay. It is, however, the one which best showcases the resort’s finest qualities and one of its weaknesses.
Pissouri Bay is a breeding ground for turtles and even from a height of 200m, little families of the creatures can be seen meandering about on the sea bed, a crystal clear indication of how clean the water here is. From on high, the resort’s remoteness is also striking. Thanks to restrictions imposed by the RAF base nearby, the concrete hotel complexes and strips which have eaten away at the coastline near the island’s resort towns of Ayia Napa and Limassol, are nowhere to be seen.
Its remoteness is also its weakness. The nearest town is a fair hike away so, once you’re here, particularly at night, you are reliant on the resort for entertainment and, at least when I was there, the entertainment was patchy.
The 94-suite resort has been designed as homage to the Cypriot village and the locally sourced stone-clad “houses” draped in flowering bougainvilleas stretch down towards the bay. Instead of a village square, there is a beautiful 80-metre infinity pool, with a swim-up bar.
There are two restaurants – a tavern which sells good quality Greek Cypriot food and the distinctly fancier Dionysus where white-gloved waiting staff serve white chocolate risottos alongside elaborate glazes and palate-cleaning sorbets.
Some of the suites have stunning views of the lagoon-style pool and the shimmering sea just beyond it; others are less well situated and guests who have views of some fairly unkempt patches of grass might be just a little miffed.
Cyprus, one of the larger islands in the Mediterranean, was a British colony until 1960 when it was granted independence for the first time in a history stretching back to the ancient Greeks.
It lasted just 14 years and in 1974, the Turks invaded the northern and predominantly Muslim part of Cyprus. After a brief but bloody conflict, the UN stepped in and partitioned the island. The border remains today as does much of the bitterness.
Many British influences also remain: the Cypriots drive on the left and most speak excellent English, which makes things considerably easier for tourists from this part of the world.
AFTER MYwhite-knuckle paraglide, I needed a sit down and luckily there's a sofa close to the shore. Unfortunately, it's a "crazy sofa" (a large, inflatable tied to a boat parked by the resort's jetty). This crazy Sofa is hilarious and those of us brave (or foolish) enough to give it a whirl are pulled around the bay at breakneck speed, getting tossed all over the place with the speedboat captain taking a, frankly, unseemly delight in our screams.
After the extreme couch-surfing comes some gentle windsurfing. The resort takes justifiable pride in the sailing and windsurfing classes it offers to children and adults, whether they’re total novices or experts. The resident windsurfing expert is Colin Brown. He’s a methodical, softly spoken Englishman who turned 60 this year.
He also happens to be one of Britain's most respected political journalists. He was the political editor of the Independent on Sundayand the Sunday Telegraphbefore he retired and relocated here to ride the waves.
Within an hour I’m a windsurfing god. For three beautiful seconds, then it all falls apart and I fall off the board in slapstick fashion.
Brown may be a good teacher but I am a bad pupil and the only phrase I take in amid all the talk of tacking and jibing is “the walk of shame”. One of the nice things about the bay is its natural safety. If you lose control of the board, you’ll be blown inland and not out to sea, so the worst that can happen is you’ll have to do this walk of shame up the hot sand to the windsurfing school with the board on your back. I’m only spared this because I can’t stay on the board long enough to be blown anywhere.
The Colombia Beach Resort is an easy, laid-back place to holiday, particularly with a family. It’s not an all-singing all-dancing children’s resort but it does offer parents the chance to have a luxury holiday in a beautiful and peaceful setting safe in the knowledge that their little ones will be safe and entertained.
The kids’ club has a small playground and a shady activity centre for arts and crafts. Children can also scribble on the enormous blackboard or lounge about on beanbags watching DVDs allowing them to escape the sun. There is also a toddler paddling pool and a pebble beach.
I spoke to several parents of young children who were delighted with the place. Most were taken by their room’s hidden kitchenette with its compact fridge and sink – as anyone who has ever tried to wash and fill a baby’s bottles using only a hotel’s bathroom facilities will appreciate.
There is a fantastic spa on-site, a well-equipped gym, two squash courts and a floodlit tennis court.
There are also plenty of pricey Molton Brown shower gels and face creams in the bathrooms which most guests (certainly this one) move from the bathroom to their suitcase each evening so the staff have to replenish the stock.
The resort also has a small but beautiful church close to the beach and, while it doesn’t go out of its way to court the overseas wedding market, it does host around one such function each week.
It is a nice spot to do very little but, if you get restless, there’s always the hilltop village of Pissouri, a 10-minute taxi ride from the resort. The town is steeped in local traditions and its small, pedestrianised central square is home to over 10 tavernas, where you can dine on cheap and authentic Cypriot cuisine in the company of locals.
FOR ARCHAEOLOGYbuffs there is Kurion on the road to Limassol. The site's Roman amphitheatre still plays host to theatrical performances today, over 2,000 years after it was built. It is perched high on a hilltop and offers breathtaking views of the southern Cypriot coastline. The Agios Ermogenis Taverna nearby looks most unpromising but the food is excellent, particularly the barbecued chicken, the skewered pork, the home-made tatziki and hummus.
Limassol is a 45-minute drive away and may be worth a visit if you’re getting stir-crazy. The new town is not the most exciting place in the world but the old port area, with its small workshops, bazaar and tailors is a little more engaging.
In truth, the Colombia Beach Resort offers a lazy, luxurious holiday and, aside from the occasional dip in the sea or scoot around the bay on water-skis, a wakeboard or the crazy sofa, most people who come here will be perfectly content to lounge by the pool sipping excellent cocktails, drinking nice wines and eating all around them before being rolled onto homeward-bound planes contented and chilled.
Conor Pope was a guest of Colombia Beach Resort (columbia-hotels.com) and luxury hotel specialist travelbeam.co.uk. Travelbeam arranges packages to the resort from the UK. A family of four sharing an executive junior suite on a half-board basis can expect to pay from €2,370 for a week in July, including private return transfers. Prices rise to €2,810 for a week in September. Prices at the four-star Columbia Beachotel next door start at €1,610 for a family of four sharing in July rising to €1,799 in September.