Go Ireland: Liam Stebbingis at one with the world - and with the art of fly-fishing - after his visit to Lough Erne
LOTUS FLOWERS are floating in a bowl below me, and in the corner of my eye I can just make out two tiny feet in silk pumps padding gently around the bowl, from one side of my head to the other, as what sounds like finger bells chime in the background. I have to look hard to see the feet, which belong to a an equally tiny Thai woman named Jinda, because I'm lying on a message bed in a dimly-lit room in a Co Fermanagh hotel and my head is resting, immobile, in the bed's face cradle.
At this stage, I feel as if I can barely move at all. I'm halfway through an hour-long massage, and this must be what it's like to be in a floatation tank: I'm so relaxed that I'm barely aware of my surroundings. Jinda has been gently but firmly rubbing and kneading my back, arms and legs, then pressing a hot poultice of herbs on to them. At least, that's the impression I've been left with: I had been meaning to pay attention and ask plenty of reporterly questions, but the power of speech seems pretty much to have deserted me, too.
It's probably just as well that I'm in the dark about what's coming next. Jinda gets me to sit up, then stands on the bed behind me, leans over and positions an elbow by my collarbone. She presses down as hard as she can, digging her elbow into me and, with her other arm, pushing my head over, away from her elbow. She must be heavier than she looks, with bones made of lead, perhaps, because it's quite an experience, and in other circumstances I might even call it painful.
It turns out to be one of the assisted yoga positions that are central to Thai massage. Had I been braver I could, instead of opting for this introductory Soul Revival treatment, have signed up for the full monty, in which case Jinda would have spent much of the session bending me into uncommon positions and perhaps even more of it marching up and down my back, to give me a deep-tissue massage. That, says Charlie Cunniffe, who manages the spa at Lough Erne Golf Resort, just outside Enniskillen, is a treatment that brings customers back time after time. At about €110 for two hours its not cheap, so it must, you imagine, be addictively good.
Cunniffe, a tall, slim man who glides around the spa like a PG Wodehouse butler, is keen to point out that Lough Erne offers authentic Thai treatments from Thai practitioners. Most other establishments, he says, offer Swedish massages in Thai-style surroundings. Which is all very well if you know the difference between one and the other, but for those of us who are first-timers, the most relevant point is that a couple of hours in the spa makes you feel you're getting the full luxury experience, from the "light therapy sauna" (not-as-corny-as-they-sound LEDs in the ceiling change colour as you bake) to the super-duper pre-massage shower, whose settings - Caribbean, Atlantic and more - throw every type of water at you, from a warm mist to a cold torrent. If you don't feel better after a few minutes under its jets, you've lost your sense of humour.
It would be easy to spend the day in the spa, but now, feeling at one with the world, it makes sense to get out with the family and commune with nature. We like the sound of the nearby Marble Arch Caves, where, ingeniously, battery-powered boats have been lowered underground to take visitors along a subterranean river, through "a natural underworld of rivers, waterfalls, winding passages and lofty chambers". We've missed our chance, however: the caves are closed for the winter - and even had we caught the season we would have been disappointed today, for the rain has been too heavy to allow any descents.
So we follow a time-honoured ritual for a wet weekend and go for a drive. We're heading for Lough Navar, which everybody we've spoken to says is a local highlight. We are barely off the main road, just beginning to climb the lane that will bring us on a 12km circuit of Lough Navar Forest, when a startled red deer - a stag, we think, although it all happens so quickly - darts across the road. As the children cry out in amazement another deer appears, then another and another. This trio race across the road to join the male in the safety of the trees, where the mossy ground and turning leaves soon camouflage the deer and whatever else might be moving in the woods.
Thrilled, we keep our eyes peeled for more wildlife - wild goats live here, too - as we wind through breathtaking scenery. We've had our luck for today, however: the only other life we see now are other families who have driven to the forest's lookout point, which has spectacular views across Lower Lough Erne towards Pettigo and out over Co Donegal.
Our appetite for the outdoors has been well and truly whetted, so back at the hotel we go for a fly-casting lesson with Packie Trotter, Lough Erne's gillie. We're looking forward to standing on the jetty, casting into Castle Hume Lough. He leads us towards the lake - but stops when we get to the lawn in front of the hotel lounge, and instead of flies he ties tufts of bright red wool to the ends of our lines.
Fly-fishing is a serious business, so before we're allowed on the lake we need to know the basics. You'll be amazed how quickly the children pick it up, says Trotter, which I take to be an encouraging word for our daughters. But he's right. They quickly have the lines flying out straight across the grass, just as he has shown them. Mine takes a less certain route. Possibility of worrying a fish: low. Thankfully, the heavens open, so we announce with relief that we had better not let the girls get soaked through.
Fortunately, Lough Erne Golf Resort has a great restaurant for drowning your sorrows after losing face on the fly- casting lawn. Jonathan Stapleton, the hotel's general manager, who came here last year from the Old Course Hotel in St Andrews, Scotland, and has also run one of Champneys' spas, recommends the mixed grill: prime cuts of lamb, beef and pork that have been tidied and trimmed before being cooked to perfection.
Noel McMeel, who arrived as executive chef from Castle Leslie, is clearly aiming to impress with his reasonably priced menu - about €50 for three courses, plus about €40 for a bottle of very good wine. Unusually, aside from the mixed grill, he offers only one take on each meat - tonight it's beef, salmon, lamb, chicken, hake or pork. What the menu might lack in variety it makes up for with quality. Perhaps the most impressive part of the meal is the children's menu, the centerpiece of which is a rib-eye steak, served with a metal basket of French fries, that is every bit as good as the fillet on my plate. Dessert is a child-thrilling white-chocolate soup.
Stapleton is determined to make Lough Erne one of the world's leading golf resorts within five years. That means he and the hotel's proprietors, the supermarket owner Jim Treacy and his wife, Eileen, have been pouring money into reaching the standards that will attract high-rollers. In lots of ways it is working - the AA has just awarded the hotel five stars, a first for Northern Ireland - but a little minor tweaking remains to be done. On both our nights at the hotel, for example, staff arrive to turn down our beds before 6.30pm, when some of us are still beautifying ourselves for the evening ahead, and the Cygnets scheme, which aims to keep children entertained, has some way to go before it matures into a fully fledged programme of diversions.
The hotel will certainly appeal to affluent golfers, however: no expense seems to have spared on the surroundings, from the wood panelling to the plush furnishings. Lough Erne Golf Resort is turning into a popular venue for weddings - the hotel's 60 or so rooms are fully booked when we arrive - but for now it is still waiting for American visitors to appear in force. That might happen next summer, when the resort's Nick Faldo -designed golf course opens.
The 18 holes will stretch over much of the hotel's 270-hectare (660-acre) grounds - and be pretty exclusive, the resort's director of golf, Andy Campbell, explains as he drives us past the sixth tee in a golf buggy. The first 25 members each bought accommodation, too, paying £250,000 (€303,800) to join the club and snap up one of Lough Erne's very pleasant lodges - or, rather, the right to three weeks a year in them. The next 100 paid £25,000 (€30,300) to join Lough Erne Golf Club, and now another tranche of members have paid £33,000 (€40,100) each. Campbell doesn't envisage any more members being admitted, which means they'll have the course and its impressive facilities - including a restaurant at the halfway mark - pretty much to themselves.
The team at Lough Erne are hoping it won't be long before the resort becomes a European tour venue. It might be worth paying a visit before success puts its prices out of reach.
Where to eat, what to see when you're there
Where to eat
Blakes of the Hollow, 6 Church Street, Enniskillen, 048-66320918. You could spend the day at this fine old pub, whose front bar has barely changed in 120 years, by bookending a couple of leisurely pints in the snug with lunch at its below-stairs bistro, Café Merlot, and dinner at its above-stairs restaurant, Number 6. We thought Café Merlot's pre-theatre dinner was a bargain at £14.95 (€19) for two courses; the children's menu was even better: £6.95 (€8.80) for a bowl of buttery potato soup with home-made bread; a filling portion of roast chicken, mash and gravy; and two scoops of ice cream with warm berries and chocolate sauce.
Where to go
Marble Arch Caves, Marlbank, Florencecourt, 048-66348855, www.marblearchcaves.net. You'll have to time your trip to Co Fermanagh carefully if you want to visit this geopark: it is open only between mid-March and September, and even then wet weather can close it down on safety grounds. Make it in, however, and you can hop on an electric boat for a 75-minute tour of the caves along a subterranean river.
The Buttermarket, Down Street, Enniskillen, www.thebuttermarketenniskillen.com. Pottery, ceramics, hand-made jewellery, textiles and other creations by more than a dozen craftsmen and women. The renovated 19th-century complex includes a coffee shop and giftshop, too.
Florence Court, Enniskillen, 048-66348249, www.nationaltrust.org. This exquisitely decorated mansion used to be home to the earls of Enniskillen. Now it offers pleasant walks, fine views and, in the summer, "Living History" tours that aim to give visitors an entertaining insight into life above and below stairs at Florence Court in the 1920s.
O'Doherty's Fine Meats, Belmore Street, Enniskillen, 048-66322152, www.blackbacon.com. Not your standard tourist attraction, admittedly, but foodies might like to take home some of Pat O'Doherty's black bacon, from pigs that live on Inishcorkish Island, on Upper Lough Erne. O'Doherty will arrange a visit the herd if youre interested.
• Liam Stebbing and his family were guests of Lough Erne Golf Resort. Belleek Road, Enniskillen, Co Fermanagh, 048-66323230, www.loughernegolfresort.com