To survive Cheltenham you need to pace yourself, writes Frank McNally
AS ANY JOCKEY can tell you, the key to survival around Cheltenham is pacing yourself. This is most important if you're riding the horses, but even if you are just betting on them, the advice still holds. Should you be drinking - perish the thought - as well as gambling, it holds double.
The festival was already an ordeal when it ran from Tuesday to Thursday. Since it was extended to a fourth day in 2005, you need the constitution of, well, a horse to survive it.
Friday can be as exhausting as the uphill finish of its feature event: the Gold Cup. The profound silence that descends on the track after the week's last race also tends to seep onto the buses of Irish tour operators as they head for Birmingham airport and home.
Most people who attend the Cheltenham festival do not stay in Cheltenham at all.
You could just was easily find yourself in outposts such as Gloucester, or even 30 miles away in Stratford, where there are no more tempting diversions in the evenings than the Merry Wives of Windsor. There is a lot to be said for this.
Yes, you might miss out on the wilder pub sessions or the higher-rolling card schools.
But the upside is that you have a chance of getting a night's sleep, and so will have your wits about you the next day, which is the minimum requisite when doing battle with Cheltenham's bookies.
The risk of not socialising extensively is that you might miss out on a good tip.
Take the example of a well-known Irish broadcaster who, at a recent festival, had his wallet stolen.
He was drowning his sorrows that night when a sympathetic listener with good connections told him he could recoup his losses on a certain horse the following day.
The "good thing" promptly obliged at 11-1, wiping out the deficit at a stroke.
Unfortunately, there are many such tips imparted at Cheltenham and it's hard to extract the smart ones from the information overload.
You rarely hear things straight from the horse's mouth. And even if you do, the horse may be suffering from over-confidence.
As Charlie McCreevy - a Cheltenham regular - never tires of telling people who think he might have the inside track on something, this is the very last place you should back horses, because every owner and trainer who sends one to Cheltenham thinks it can win. Not only that: everybody's trying to win.
As for the logistics of getting around town during the festival, the recommended form of transport is helicopter. Traffic can be horrendous. Finding a taxi at peak times is as hard as finding a well-informed tip - and it can be as expensive as an ill-informed tip when it turns up.
Of course you can always get the local bus services back into town after the races. But these are not for the faint-hearted, unless you're as drunk as the rest of the passengers.
Especially since the move to four days, many people now attend the festival in one or two-day instalments. Among the veterans who go back year after year, however, it's a badge of honour to do the whole thing.
Some complain that the added day and the extra races have taken some of the previous intensity out of the experience.
But the extension means that, more than ever, you have to limit your betting. Unless you're JP McManus, the advice is to set a budget, and pick your races carefully. Between these, keep your hands firmly in your pockets.
And if - as is highly likely - you incur losses, you should resist the temptation to chase them. Especially on the last day, when everything is uphill - expert your bank balance.
You rarely hear things straight from the horse's mouth. And even if you do, the horse may be suffering from over-confidence