You're stuck on a floating resort with 6,000 cruisers. Surely you feel trapped? Claustrophobic? Terrified? Not a bit of it, writes Sarah Geraghty, as she boards the 'Allure of the Seas', the world's largest cruise ship
BEST PERHAPS not to read the press bumph beforehand. “More tree views than sea views”. “A boulevard that stretches almost the length of the ship”. And your companions? “Newly-wed, nearly dead and over-fed”, in the words of one grizzled media type.
It’s true – up to a point. Cruises do have a particular appeal for honeymooning couples and older people. They can work out a lot cheaper than “destination” honeymoons (or the wedding itself). They’re all-inclusive. You can bore for Ireland with photographs of all the ports you saw. Or boast that you never left the ship at all. Some don’t. You might think that the sea and the sun and a quick recce of St Thomas are integral to a Caribbean cruise. Think again.
This is Allure of the Seas, the world's largest cruise ship. And, really, what's the point of it all unless you love the actual ship? Think Las Vegas (that's even before you make it down to Casino Royale). Or think a watery, mobile Spanish resort that, if stood upright, would dwarf the Eiffel Tower, with 6,000 guests and a couple of thousand staff, and where – oddly enough – there really is something for everyone at any time of the day or night.
But for all the cruise-phobics out there, let’s confront the big question. You’re stuck on a floating resort with 6,000 cruisers. Surely you feel trapped? Claustrophobic? Terrified? Actually, no. This ship is so huge that when we passed a smaller cruise liner, there was a collective “Awww” from the upper decks.
In extremis, you can run a whole kilometre away from the “best friends” you made dancing at last night’s blowout at Dazzles Lounge (that’s about the same distance as Trinity College to the end of O’Connell Street). En route, you could even pick up a Starbucks (the first at-sea version – it was only a matter of time). You could clamber up a rock-climbing wall above the AquaTheater and stay there. Or nip into the Vitality at Sea Spa and Fitness Center to Botox your little worried frowns away.
IF THE BOTOX doesn’t do the trick, you could settle for a stiff cocktail – mine’s a Mojito, although half the ship seemed to develop a worrying addiction for Pina Coladas – in one of the 17 bars scattered throughout the seven “themed” neighbourhoods. We found the solarium on the top deck an oasis of calm, and have happy memories of slipping into a huge pod-type chair to watch the sun go down (or lounge in the hot tub and watch it come up. Whatever). In fact, this is a nice way to while away the hours, lolling on a chaise longue or propped up at the bar across from some astonishingly friendly barman who always remembers your name.
If you prefer to defer your cocktails till the sun is over the yardarm, you could disappear into one of the 25 retail shops, which includes Guess (yep, the first at-sea . . .), Coach, a specialist pet store, or pick up a model of Allure of the Seasto take home or bundle the family into one of the photography studios for a cheesy holiday portrait to remember.
But beware. This is how the cruise ships make their money – alcohol and miscellaneous purchases, rather like Ryanair. This could be where you’ll compensate for the bargain price you paid for the holiday. While the lovely barman is remembering your name, you’ve quite forgotten that the bar tab is stacking up, poised to deliver a reality check on the rocks at the end of your trip. As one of our group discovered, a blow-dry cost $90 (€67). And while the cruise package is all-in, there are 24 dining venues, including non-participating restaurants such as Central Park 150 that are worth the occasional blowout; the trick is not to overdo it. But there’s nothing to stop you reaching for a simple (and truly delicious) hot dog now and again (and again) or gorging on nachos and cheese at Rita’s Cantina, the vibrant Mexican restaurant on the Boardwalk. But hey, you can always burn it off on the running track or in the gym or on the full-size basketball court, right?
However, if you’re not feeling that energetic (and hats off to those who are), there is always the option of retreating to your “state room”. Banish images of pokey cabins with teensy portholes or none at all. These come equipped with iPod docking stations and high-def, interactive televisions for viewing movies or booking a spa treatment or on-shore excursion. This is where the class system kicks in.
The highest rollers get to experience “city living at sea” in two-level Loft Suites with sparkling sea views via five-metre floor-to-ceiling windows and extra-large balconies. All the sea-facing suites have sun loungers, but everyone gets a private balcony. The 324 inward-facing rooms don’t have the sea views but do have plenty of tropical trees and flowers and a view of Central Park, an open-air park the length of a football field.
Central Park, the ship’s “town square”, is one of several areas – along with the cavernous nightclub, Blaze, on deck 4 – where you’re most likely to have one of those “Am I really on a ship?” moments.
The “square” comes alive at night with a balmy, star-lit, holiday feeling, as people dress up and stroll in for pre-dinner drinks – maybe in The Rising Tide, the cruise world’s only moving bar, which moves up and down through two decks – or go for dinner and a show, or awaken their inner diva at On Air, the karaoke bar, or cosy up for some chilled jazz and blues at Jazz on 4. The big show currently is a fully-staged, highly impressive production of Chicago that is, you’ve guessed it, the one and only seagoing production of the Broadway musical.
DANCE, GAMBLE, eat, drink, swim the night away and then rise the next morning and discover what else is on offer. Try to outdo the professional on the FlowRider surf simulator (unlikely); take salsa classes at Latin-themed Bolero’s; send your angsty teen to teen-only spa, the YSPA; challenge yourself on the mini-golf course; or just take a book from the library, head up to deck 17 and bask in the soul-soothing Caribbean sun.
Whatever you’re into, chances are you’ll find it on Allure. And one big draw is being out on the ocean and having that feeling of being cut-off from the real world, which isn’t such a bad thing in these troubled times.
Surprisingly, I can see the whole package appealing as much to a group of party-loving girlfriends as it would to a married couple looking for an easy and familiar holiday, or to a family with young children who are set up with ready-made playmates (parents and kids) and an endless list of facilities to take advantage of. And remember, none of these three groups has to ever bump into each other!
What it costs to go
American Holidays (americanholidays.com, 01-4331088) is offering an eight-night Western Caribbean cruise from €1,285 per person (based on two adults sharing an inside cabin).
Fly/cruise price includes return flights from Dublin with an overnight at the Bahia Mar Beach Resort hotel ahead of a seven-night cruise departing from Port Everglades, Fort Lauderdale, US and calling at Labadee, Haiti; Costa Maya, Mexico and Cozumel, Mexico, before returning to Fort Lauderdale; meals and entertainment on board and all relevant cruise taxes/fees.
See americanholidays.com or visit 18-19 Duke Street, off Grafton Street, Dublin 2, and quote reference number 662014. Price is based on Feb 12th, 2011, departure.
* Sarah Geraghty travelled as a guest of Royal Caribbean International. See allureoftheseas.com