Mention Monaco and sport and people think of the Grand Prix. Next weekend the glitzy destination will have a different association, when this year's Tour de France starts there, writes MAL ROGERS
LES CHIENS dans la rueknow that the Tour de France is one of sport's major endurance tests. You need to be able to cycle 3,500km, negotiate seven high mountain passes, head up one medium mountain stage and take part in two time trials, all within three weeks. And if you do it faster than anyone else you'll be €450,000 better off.
Advice at the time of the tour’s launch, in the early 20th century, didn’t augur well. Dr Ludovic O’Followell of the French Association for the Advancement of Science warned against riding a bicycle too soon after sexual intercourse. His concerns were ignored, and a race was launched that has since become the world’s foremost annual sporting occasion: more than 15 million people watch the Tour de France live; some 100 million more watch it on television.
Next Saturday this year's race gets off to the most glamorous start imaginable. Le Grand Départwill follow the Monaco Grand Prix circuit through the narrow, twisting, bougainvillea-lined streets of Monte Carlo. Steeped in motor-racing history, the famous images are all there: the tunnel, the chicane, the serious grandeur of the casino. Great black tyre marks on the familiar yellow-and-black kerbstones only heighten the sense of sporting history, as does the statue of Juan Fangio – five times Formula 1 world champion way back in the days when the cars didn't drive themselves.
Modern Grand Prix racing is safer than in Fangio’s time – or when drivers such as Alberto Ascari ended up in Port Hercule harbour. But the sport is also somewhat blander; indeed, you may well wonder how something so terrifyingly dangerous manages to be so dull.
In Monte Carlo the old excitement returns. Formula 1 cars screaming alongside the turquoise waters of the Mediterranean have provided some of the most dramatic shots in sport, but the Tour de France provides equally iconic images. This year will be no exception, as the cyclists negotiate the Mirabeau hairpin – the tightest bend in Formula 1 – skid round the Monte Carlo Grand Hotel hairpin or struggle for position at the Virage St Devote right-hander.
This will be the first time the tour has been put under starter’s orders in Monaco, but proceedings will follow a familiar pattern. Each day’s racing begins with great pomp. For the towns involved, the honour of a tour start is probably the biggest occasion since the English somewhat unhelpfully burned Joan of Arc.
You can be right in with the action. Even with gendarmes screaming " Sur votre bicyclette!"at you it's still possible to be run over by the world's greatest athletes. No other sporting occasion can deliver such intimacy. Two starts are scheduled for Monaco this year: the time trials next Saturday and the start of the 182km race to Brignoles, tomorrow week.
You may decide to stay on in the principality after le tourdisappears up the road to France for a spot of shopping, gambling and drooling over some of the most luxurious boys' toys on earth. If so, "Grand old day all the same" is a phrase you'll be needing: more than 300 days of sunshine is the norm here.
As you relax in the sunshine outside Brasserie de Monaco, perhaps with a Grace cocktail – champagne and rose jelly – in hand, you may well come to the conclusion that the principality is a strange beast. Ruled by the Grimaldi family since 1297, through a quirk of history it became a tax haven and financial centre. Just within the vicinity of the casino alone there are more banks than you could shake a fist at – 45 at the last count.
Place du Casino is the prime spot for people-watching. Europe’s seriously rich, mostly wearing sunglasses the size of Ferrari windscreens, drift indolently by. Oh, and by the way, get your kit back on. “You are not allowed to walk around the streets of Monaco in swimwear,” it says in my welcome brochure. “Suitable attire is required in all public establishments.”
The most famous casino in the world is surprisingly cheap to get into – although, of course, it could end up costing you the farm. Ten euro plus your passport gets you into the glitteringly ornate belle-epoque building. They don’t stint on the bling here: it’s stuffed with statues, onyx pillars, frescoes, paintings and stained-glass windows.
What you spend at the (surprisingly) subdued tables is up to you. Just remember that, in gambling, if you can’t spot the mug after half an hour, then it’s you.
The casino is also home to Monaco Opera House, where Caruso, Pavarotti, Domingo and indeed I have all sung – although in my case I was just humming The Man Who Broke the Bank at Monte Carloas I made my way to collect my winnings: €15 on the minimum €10 stake at the roulette wheel.
From the square you can march on the shops – nearby are Cartier, Gucci, Dolce Gabbana, Dior and Prada – or just keep heading for the old town. Monaco-Ville, high on a rock overlooking the Mediterranean, is the principality’s historical centre. The changing of the guard at Palais du Prince is a bit of a laugh: it’s hard to rid yourself of images of Groucho Marx, as Rufus T Firefly, lording it about in Freedonia, in Duck Soup.
Much more seriously, the Musée Océanographique de Monaco is dedicated to marine biology. When I was at Queen’s University in Belfast studying marine biology, back in the 1970s, we used to take our field trips to Portaferry. I now see that we should have come to Monte Carlo.
The Romanesque-Byzantine Monaco Cathedral, standing in the centre of the old town, holds the earthly remains of Princess Grace. In April 1956 the film star Grace Patricia Kelly married Prince Rainier, putting Monaco on the map forever.
Monaco-Ville is an excellent vantage point for the start of next Saturday’s 15km time trial. You’ll need to be early to get the best spot, but plenty of entertainment will be available. Amateur riders are allowed on the course right up to start time, guaranteeing a wide array of recreational cyclists struggling past. (You can be among their number should you so choose.) When the hobby riders are policed off the course, you know the peloton is due.
First it’s the cavalcade of vehicles advertising sponsors. With a fanfare of music and blaring loudspeakers, they throw swag into the crowds. Hats, wristbands, sweets, stuff. Then it’s the team cars and buses, the officials and, overhead, the helicopters.
After Le Grand Départfrom Monaco, pit stops will include Barcelona, Verbier, in Switzerland, Girona, in Spain, and the ski resort of Arcalis, in Andorra.
The tour has changed little over the decades; even the drugs for which le Tour de Pharmacieis infamous have long been a part of proceedings – the race always visits Urine-le-Sample, so to speak.
The arcane origins of the tour lie in the bitter divisions within 19th-century France over the Dreyfus affair, when an army officer was falsely accused of passing military secrets to Germany. The Tour de France came into being because of a publishing split: the race was designed to promote sales of the anti-Dreyfus paper L'Auto(later to become L'Équipe). It did le trick. At the end of the first race, in 1903, thousands turned out to greet the 22 finishers. Mountain stages were added, and the tour was on its way.
This year’s hilly thrills include a jaunt on July 12th from Saint- Gaudens to Tarbes. The ride includes the classic climbs of Col d’Aspin and Col du Tourmalet. Vantage points in the mountains are scarce; the rule is that the higher you climb, the better the view.
Just a word of warning about the descents. Stephen Roche, the only Irish winner, revealed that this is where cyclists usually relieve themselves. “If you gotta go . . .” Most cyclists stop for absolutely nothing. So their mechanics begin each evening’s work by hosing the bicycle down. One of the less glitzy aspects of the job.
Generally, the earlier flat races are the easiest for good viewing. On the Monaco-Brignoles stage, next weekend, merely head out of Monte Carlo for a few kilometres, pick a nice place along the roadside and sit down. You’ll find some excellent viewing points in the wooded hills in the Issole Valley, just beyond Cabasse. The medieval village will be heaving, but if you’re early enough you could try for a good viewing point there. The tour passes north to south through the centre of the village, arriving from Carcès.
The peloton will pass through Cabasse in tight formation, with the final cyclist – the lanterne rouge– bringing up the rear. Somewhat cruelly, when results are published the lanterne rougeis given almost as much prominence as the leaders.
As you watch the spectacle you might care to ponder that Samuel Beckett, a keen cyclist in France, was aware of a veteran competitor, surname Godeau, and one of life's natural lanternes rouges.
It’s certainly worthy of some serious chin stroking as you watch out for the famous van – with equally famous broom at the back – lumbering along. The brush indicates the end of proceedings; the cavalcade has passed by.
Philosophers and writers have viewed the Tour de France as a symbolic ordeal, with a cast of heroes and villains. But maybe it's best to leave la France profondeto them; just sit back in the Mediterranean sunshine and wait for the greatest free sporting spectacle on earth to pass by. Wonder at this unparalleled endurance test and reflect that, uniquely among sports, it doesn't matter much who wins: someone will.
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Go there
Aer Lingus (www.aerlingus. com) flies to Nice, just across the border in France, from Dublin and Cork. Ryanair (www.ryanair.com) flies to Nice from Dublin. EasyJet (www.easyjet.com) flies to Nice from Belfast.
Where to stay and eat
Where to stay
Fairmont Monte Carlo. 12 Avenue des Spélugues, 00-337-93-506500, www.fairmont.com/ MonteCarlo. One of the most stylish bolt-holes in Europe. You can watch the tour (or the Grand Prix) from the pool. Call me shallow, but a pool with a view can really make or break a weekend. Double rooms from €230.
Le Méridien Beach Plaza. Avenue Princess Grace, 00- 377-93-309880, www.monte carlo.lemeridien.com. One of the principality’s swankiest addresses, with a private beach. Double rooms from €132.
Where to eat
Zest. 6 Route de la Piscine, 00-377-97-984970, www.zestmonaco.mc. Great monegasquegastronomy, combined with terrific views of the harbour and the racing. Le Grill. Hôtel de Paris Monte-Carlo, Place du Casino, 00-377- 98-068888, www.hoteldeparismontecarlo. com. Being on the eighth floor, you can see three countries from this haven of sophisticated dining.