The city is to Australia what New York is to the US: a multiethnic metropolis in a hurry, writes Brian O'Connell.
TAKE AN early-morning walk around Melbourne and you can't help feeling like an extra in a Jane Fonda video where everyone has an arts degree.
I'm not talking about your usual city joggers and keep-fit enthusiasts. I'm seeing pensioners with barbells running vertically up hills, families shadow boxing near downtown plazas and city-centre streets roped off to facilitate charity runs and triathlons.
Everyone is so damn physical. Hell, Sebastian Coe is even staying at my hotel. He trots into the lobby every morning, like a youthful gazelle, just as I'm stalking the Australian equivalent of the full Irish.
For a city with such a high density of bars and licenced premises, Melbourne has an LA-like fascination with the body perfect. It's not the first contradiction in this constantly alarming metropolis, where ethnicity and style have combined to keep the tourist guessing.
Melbourne is to Australia what New York is to the US: a multiethnic, seemingly liberal metropolis hurrying to get to where it already is. It just doesn't know it yet.
But what remains of the uniquely Australian experience? And are city planners in danger of overegging the European influences?
At the Docklands area, an urban-regeneration scheme is attempting to realign residential and commercial space, restoring high-density living to the water's edge. Sound familiar? Planners hope to double the size of the city by 2020, creating a new community with 20,000 residents and 10,000 new jobs. No sign, though, of the schools, playgrounds or community facilities that will be needed to sustain this new waterfront population.
Still, who needs creches when you can have your pick of sushi bars and Moroccan restaurants?
In an attempt to break the predictability of dockland builds, developers are required to donate 1 per cent of all projects towards public art. This is in keeping with the appetite for indoor and outdoor art evident all over Melbourne, from John Kelly's iconic Cow Up a Tree to oversized gold bugs crawling up the Eureka skyscraper, the world's tallest residential building.
For a panoramic view of the city, the Eureka offers an observation deck on the 88th floor, the highest vantage point in the southern hemisphere. If you're feeling brave (I wasn't), the observation deck also contains a glass cube that extracts itself from the building to hang over the edge of the tower.
Over at the Docklands site I met an estate agent who was keen to elaborate on plans for a large Ferris wheel in the area, due to open later this year. It looks for all the world like a mini London Eye, complete with 500,000 LED light bulbs.
The agent hopes it will become a focal point for the 20 million tourists a year the area expects to lure with large-scale shopping districts, outlet stores and entertainment venues. And the outside influences don't stop there.
Off Sydney Lane, workers at Fifteen restaurant set tables and prepare the kitchen for the lunchtime rush. It seems like any other scene playing itself out in restaurants all over the city, except many of the kitchen staff here have drink and drug problems, were once homeless or are victims of incest or child abuse.
It's no coincidence that the premises, the first of Jamie Oliver's ventures to open in the southern hemisphere, has chosen Melbourne as its home.
Chief executive Peter Brown says that upwards of 20 juveniles are taken into the kitchen every year, almost all of them lacking self-esteem and having given up on work and education. By the time their 18-month apprenticeships are up, most move on to restaurants in the city and to new lives.
If drink and drug issues are becoming more prevalent among Melbourne's juveniles, wider society is doing little to halt the well-documented "bar boom" of recent years. Perhaps locals place too much emphasis on fitness to allow falling over to become the dominant social theme.
In the centre of the city a pub boom continues unabated; it is helping to restore the commercial centre to its mid-19th century, post-gold-rush heyday.
Disused lanes now house funky bars, such as the Croft Institute, or home-grown designer boutiques and graffiti enclaves featuring work by the cult British artist Banksy.
There's plenty to do within shouting distance of the city (see right), from golf courses where you can tee off alongside kangaroos to, for non-golfers, water sports beside the sea.
Have a g'day, possum.
Where to stay
The Lyall (14 Murphy
Street, South Yarra, 00-61-3- 98688222, www.thelyall.com), a boutique hotel, is the perfect place to get over your jet lag. Well-appointed rooms, combined with friendly staff and wholesome breakfasts, make it one of the city's finds.
For a more hectic, albeit central, experience try the Sofitel (25 Collins Street, 00-61-3-96530000, www.sofitelmelbourne.com.au), in the heart of the downtown district. With internet charges running at 29 Australian dollars (€17.70) for 24 hours, you might want to locate a nearby cybercafe.
Where to eat
With such a diverse ethnic mix, Melbourne is one of Australia's best cities for food.
Alongside well-established international franchises such as Fifteen and Nobu, there are also many good-value smaller Greek and Italian restaurants.
Foremost among local offerings is Seagrass (Southgate, Southbank, 00-61- 3-96967655, www.seagrass restaurant.com.au). Overlooking the Yarra River, it has a mod-Oz seafood menu.
Every February the city hosts a food-and-wine festival, with the Longest Lunch, an outdoor event catering for more than 1,000 diners, being one of the event's highlights.
Where to go
The best way to get au fait with Melbourne's backstreets is to take a "hidden secrets" tour. Several are available, such as shopping or bar guides, and they come complete with a specially tailored deck of cards containing visitor information. All tours are taken on foot.
Why not take a Harley-Davidson ride around town? Harley Rides tours, run by various operators, take you around the city, through the coastal resort of St Kilda and even around parts of the city's Formula 1 track. It's a thrilling way to see the city while reigniting any rebel tendencies.
Spend a day at Anglesea Golf Club, 65km outside the city (Golf Links Road, Anglesea, 00-61-3-52631582, www.angleseagolfclub.com.au). One of the best-known courses in the country, it doesn't take advantage of its reputation, with day green fees cming in at about 40 Australian dollars (€25). It's a strange mix of golf and safari - you have to watch out for the kangaroos. The trick behind dodging a dig from one of the hopping marsupials is to avoid eye contact. If you have to walk in their direction, do it slowly, and there's little point shouting "fore!" Kangaroos don't understand English. Right, Skippy?
Brian O'Connellwas a guest of Tourism Australia (www.australia.com).
He flew with Qantas (www.qantas.com.au), which has four services a day to Australia from Heathrow and one a day from Frankfurt.