Reckon Zurich might be about as much fun as an Icelandic graveyard? Think again. You can have a rip-roaring time in the home of Dadaism and Ulysses, writes MAL ROGERS
JAMES JOYCE was much taken by Zurich’s cleanliness; his wife, Nora, less so. She was once forced by a policeman to pick up a bit of paper she’d dropped in a hallway. Galway people, eh?
Mind you, the folk around here can be picky. In some apartment blocks it is requested that “gentlemen should sit down when using the toilet between the hours of 10pm and 6am”, as some sort of noise-abatement measure.
Lest this give you the idea that Zurich is about as much fun as an Icelandic graveyard, then think again. Because here, in the home of Dadaism and Ulysses, of Lenin, Einstein, Wagner, Le Corbusier, Jung and Thomas Mann, it’s possible to have a rip-roaring time.
But first a brief wander along the river. St Peter’s Church, with its elegant tower, somewhat feeds into the horological Swiss stereotype: it boasts the largest clock face in Europe.
On the opposite bank of the Limmat stands the enormous carcass of the Grossmünster. Pastor here, some 500 years ago, was one of the main architects of the Reformation, Ulrich Zwingli.
Avowedly non-swinging Zwingli banned everything in Zurich not specifically sanctioned in the Bible – so out went art, gracious living and revelry. It seems doubtful if the words “Anybody see the bottle opener?” ever passed his lips.
What Zwingli would have made of the news that Zurich recently came out top in a worldwide survey of the best city to live in we can only guess. He probably would have deployed one of his high-voltage frowns at the idea of his parish being full of significant galleries, hip bars and taut design. Many of the most influential architects anywhere are now based here, and it shows.
Behind the Grossmünster is the area of Niederdorf, the pulse of Zurich and the home of Dadaism. At Cabaret Voltaire, a group of artists, intellectuals and poets lost the run of themselves and fashioned a new cultural movement, around the same time Lenin, just up the road, was planning the Bolshevik revolution.
Right here in the centre of buttoned-up, bourgeois Zurich the Dadaists’ nights of excessive carousing and deadly craic succeeded in pushing back the boundaries of art, while the Russian set about changing the world.
You can still have a nice glass of wine at Cabaret Voltaire for about €3 and sit for hours, idly watching the louche behaviour of Swiss alternative society – indolent beyond salvation.
The old cobbled streets of Niederdorf are lined with restaurants. The standard of art in most restaurants is on a par with the food in most art galleries. But Zurich is home to an outrageous exception. The dining room of the Kronenhalle is an elegant sweep of decadence, and, look, there on the wall: that’s a Magritte surely? Indeed so. Picassos as well. Apparently, diners book their table so they can be underneath their favourite painting. We dined under a Míro, and it certainly gave the liver dumplings added piquancy.
Nearby, the Opernhaus, on Falkenstrasse, is reckoned to be one of Europe’s best opera houses. Problem: the tickets were €270 – or the price of a car where I come from.
So I repaired to a nearby cafe bar, Vipasa, on Seefeldstrasse. This appealed to me not least because it advertised only four things on its menu: wine, espresso, pasta and water. I hate making choices, so I ordered everything. And here’s the thing: as the night wore on one of the owners, Angelo, began singing opera classics; here was a man who knew his arias from his elbow. Also, unlike at the opera house up the road, he did requests.
Later (much later, mind) Dorota, his Polish co-owner – who looked so dishy she could have run away with the spoon – sang plaintive Polish folk songs. Then a South African gentleman named Clifford sang Danny Boy in honour of James Joyce. A strangely gripping tribute at 4am.
Having just returned from Bruges (run entirely for the benefit of tourists), Hamburg (run entirely for the benefit of it citizens) and Strabane (not run for the benefit of anyone), it was a delight to be in a city that seems to be run on behalf of everyone, local or not. And a traveller can ask for no more than that.
** Mal Rogers was a guest of Zurich Tourism (00-41-44- 2154000, www.zuerich.com) and Aer Lingus
Where to go, where to stay and where to eat if you're planning a weekend in the city
5 places to stay
Hotel zum Storchen. Am Weinplatz 2, 00-41-44- 2272727, www.storchen.ch. The only hotel directly on the river, the swashbuckling Stork provides five-star elegance, candelabras and heavy velvet curtains. Double rooms from €257.
Adler. Rosengasse 10, am Hirschenplatz, 00-41-44-2669696, www.hotel-adler.ch. This friendly old three-star hotel is in the heart of the old city. Double rooms from €93.
Dolder Grand. Kurhau- strasse 65, 00-41-44-4566000, www.thedoldergrand.com. The top-drawer digs in Zurich, this deeply agreeable hotel was originally a turreted castle. Style and glamour never come cheap, however, so you'll need deep pockets. Double rooms from €520.
Widder Hotel. Rennweg 7, 00-41-44-2242526, www.widderhotel.ch. The five-star minimalist Widder – one of Europe's foxiest hotels – occupies nine historic town houses. Furniture by the likes of Le Corbusier, state-of-the-art technology by Bang Olufsen (stereos and the like). Double rooms from €445.
Hotel Opera. Dufourstrasse 5, 00-41-44-2589999, www.operahotel.ch. Handy for the opera house, this privately owned, elegant hotel is a short walk from the lakeside promenade. Double rooms from €145.
5 places to eat
Kronenhalle. Rämistrasse 4, 00-41-44-262-9900, www.kronenhalle.com. The place to eat your traditional Swiss fare amid masterpieces – and I'm talking about the art on the wall, not the clientele. (But some of them look as fit as butcher's dogs, too.)
Blindekuh. Mühlebach- strasse 148, 00-41-44-4215050, www.blindekuh.ch. The ultimate in blind dates: you eat here in complete darkness. All the staff are blind or partially sighted, with the menu – sturdy Swiss fare – explained verbally.
Zeughauskellar. Bahnhofstrasse 28a, beim Paradeplatz, 00-41-44-2112690, www.zeughauskeller.ch. Traditional middle-Europe food in a restaurant built in 1487, originally as an arsenal. The place to try Züri Geschnetzeltes – sliced veal in mushroom sauce, invariably served with the equally traditional potato dish Rösti.
Vipasa. Seefeldstrasse 27, 00-41-43-2436930, www.vipasa.ch. Vipasa has four things on the menu: wine, espresso, water and pasta. In the pasta section you can have the meat dish or the one for herbivores; the wine is exclusively Italian, but with a huge inventory.
Zunfthaus am Neumarkt. Neumarkt 5, 00-41-44- 2527939, www.wirtschaft- neumarkt.ch. In the medieval Bilgeri tower, next to the Neumarkt Theatre, this is a spacious, convivial restaurant specialising in lighter Swiss food; the emphasis is on the French side of Switzerland.
5 places to go
Zurich James Joyce Foundation. Augustinergasse 9, 00-41-44-2118301, www.joyce foundation.ch. More than 5,000 books, plus the author's numerous notes, drafts and revisions of nearly all his works – including Ulysses, which he wrote in Zurich. Trams 5 or 6 will take you to his grave, in Fluntern Cemetery; get off at the zoo.
Kunsthaus. Heimplatz 1, 00-41-44-2538484, www.kunsthaus.ch. In a city of 50 museums and more than 100 galleries, you're always likely to suffer culture anxiety: which is the right one for me? The Kunsthaus should top your list, as it is stuffed to the gills with priceless pieces.
Lindenhof Square. First pick up a Nussgipfel (nutty filled pastry) from the 100-year-old Zum Brotkorb bakery (Marktgasse 7-9), then cross the bridge over the Limmat river and grab a seat at Lindenhof Square, overlooking the city. Watch the old men play giant chess; in fact, join in – just remember, the winner in chess is the person who makes the second-last mistake. Draw any philosophical analogies with life you wish.
Grossmünster. Grossmünsterplatz. Marc Chagall's stained glass in the lofty choir is the star of this 13th-century holy show.
Zürichsee. Zurich, set in stunning natural surroundings at the head of Lake Zurich (Zürichsee), offers swimming, sunbathing, boat trips and walking in the Zürichhorn, the lake-shore park.
Check out
Café Schober. Napfgasse 4, 00-41-44-2518060. One of Zurich's most famous coffee shops. Wilhelm Röntgen, the X-ray inventor, and James Joyce would enjoy coffee and cake here (although not together, as far as I know).
Hit the shops
Sprüngli. Bahnhofstrasse 21, 00-41-44-2244711, www.spruengli.com. You'll find delicious Luxemburgli – cream-filled, biscuity festivals of flavour – on sale alongside every conceivable type of Swiss confectionery. If you've had enough chocolate for the day – and, by the way, you probably have – progress down the rest of Bahnhofstrasse, where the likes of Cartier and Hugo Boss display their wares and shimmy their stuff.
A good night out
Cafe-Bar Odeon. Limmatquai 2, 00-41-44-2511650, www.odeon.ch. A legendary Bohemian landmark that has played host to countless eccentric artists and intellectuals, plus the odd revolutionary – Lenin used to knock them back here, apparently. Or head out to the regenerated neighbourhood of Zürich West, which by journalistic tradition I am obliged to describe as edgy, although, to be frank, I'm not quite sure what it means. Anyway, expect plenty of alternative bars and clubs in former factory buildings. Nietturm (Schiffbaustrasse 4, 00-41-44- 2587077, www. nietturm.ch) is where the truly beautiful gather. If you're not truly beautiful, plenty of other clubs in the area will let you in.
Hot spot
Freitag. Geroldstrasse 17, 00-41-43-3669520, www.freitag.ch. Trash fash central – famous for making cult-status bags and accessories (no two alike) from recycled bicycle inner tubes, seat-belt straps and tarpaulins. The building – made from 17 rusted shipping containers, naturally – sits beside railway tracks and the seriously hip Rosso restaurant.
To avoid
At all costs give a wide berth to the Lindt factory shop (Seestrasse 204, Kilchberg, 00-41-44-7162424, www.lindt.ch), which offers huge bargains on chocolate. Of course if you want a wide berth, head for the S-Bahn, which will take you there. As you sit on the suburban train you can reflect on the great Swiss conundrum: in this chocolate superpower, how come there's no national lardiness problem?
Before you go
Brush up on your English. Most of Zurich's residents prefer if you don't speak German. Even should you be professor of High German at the German College in Ballygerman, they won't like it. And bad German is equally disliked. And as for the local German dialect, Züritüütsch, forget about it. (Züritüütsch is one of the easier words to spell.) English will do nicely everywhere. The people of Zürich overwhelmingly prefer you to speak the language of the people who gave the world the jet engine and, I believe, spaghetti hoops. Elayne Phillips, a drama teacher in Switzerland, reckons that speaking English frees the Swiss spirit. "They associate good humour with English- speaking people. It gives them a licence to enjoy a joke."
Go there
Aer Lingus (www.aerlingus. com) and Swiss International Air Lines (www.swiss.com) fly to Zurich from Dublin.