Air travel was a demanding business at the best of times. Then our budget airline introduced priority boarding. Renagh Holohancounts the costs
THE ADS FOR the ferries say it all. Travel by air and you are guaranteed a rush. You queue for check-in, try to keep your baggage within its weight allowance, queue for security, strip off, empty bags, remove shoes, wait, queue to board, rush across the tarmac, cramp up and sit still for hours. Short-haul air travel is hell.
Because we live on an island and our time is often precious, the luxury of sea travel is rarely an option. So we stick with flying, and although prices have dropped and an amazing array of routes have opened, thanks to Ryanair, what was once agreeable is now an occasion to be dreaded.
Security searches are necessary, of course, and the more people fly the longer the queues. But do the airlines have to make it worse? Predawn departures. Too few staff at check-in. Different weight allowances and different carry-on allowances for different airlines that make packing a nightmare. If you're catching a connecting flight, does the one-bag rule apply at the transfer airport? What's the story with tooth-paste? Lip balm? Different places, different rules. No space in the overhead lockers because passengers bring extra hand baggage to avoid over-allowance penalties at check-in.
The security screening can be pandemonium. One man of my acquaintance was asked at Gatwick to take off his belt to go through the metal detector. As it was attached to his trousers, he took those off as well. Great laughs for everyone but mortification for his wife. I await the day that, when asked to remove yet another item, it will be simpler to lie down on the X-ray belt and send your whole body through the machine.
But the worst development is the Ryanair rush. Because it doesn't allocate seats, queues start at the gate as soon as the flight number goes up - and very soon wind their way around the departure lounge. If you want to be sure of sitting with your family or friends you need to get near the top, hence the dash. God help the very young and the very old.
Ryanair made the rush worse by introducing priority boarding. It is something you opt out of rather than opt into - which is to say that if you don't opt out you pay for it. And, no, it's not to help the young and the old. It means those with priority tickets - cost €4 each way - join a separate queue to those without them. You don't get an allocated seat, the one thing that would make it worthwhile; you just board before those without priority. So now there are two queues and much confusion. Rows have broken out among passengers and between queues over who should be let on.
The difficulty it causes was evident at Málaga Airport, in Spain, earlier this month. Once the flight number went up the Ryanair rush started. But there was no sign to indicate a priority and a non-priority queue. So one queue formed. When the sign arrived there was some rearranging. Boarding began and then, as often, the trouble started. Some people were in the wrong queue. Others didn't know what the staff, who were Spanish, were talking about. One man demanded that, because he had a small child, he should be allowed to board early. A shouting match ensued. He called the attendant stupid. She let out a stream of angry Spanish. At one point it looked as if no one would be boarding. But it was the week of the Terminal 5 chaos at Heathrow, so we shrugged our shoulders and counted ourselves lucky.
The early days of cheap travel were relative bliss. We could now avoid the rip-off Aer Lingus flight to London, fares came without add-ons, seats were less cramped, meals were served, our bodies were not searched and queues were shorter.
Despite the awfulness of modern air travel, some things have improved. Taxis tend to turn up, and on time. Coach services do the airport run - very efficiently, too. Airfares can be mind- bogglingly low: €1 to Europe, including taxes. And we have abandoned the self-imposed tyranny of the duty-free. How often did we lug booze and fags through several airports to save a few bob?
If we can avoid fog and strikes, the M50 and Dublin Port Tunnel, missing bags and Terminal 5 - not forgetting terrorists - we can travel the world. But it involves stress from the moment we wake on departure day. The Ryanair rush will be the ruin of us.
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TIPS FOR LOWER BLOOD PRESSURE
• Shun predawn flights.
• Use a regional airport if you can.
• Check in online.
• Travel to Dublin Airport outside rush hour, as, scandalously, there is still no rail link.
• Weigh your bags at home or, if you can't, at the airport before you join the queue.
• If you are a couple of kilos over your baggage allowance, put your books and jewellery in your pockets and your shoes in your carry-on bags. Don't do this repacking at check-in. The passengers and staff are frazzled enough without an extra hold-up.