TALK TIME: What's your connection with the Samaritans?I joined the Samaritans in 1975 and that is where I met Jim, my late partner, would you believe. I joined because I read a piece in the paper looking for volunteers and as I had never put anything back into life I decided that it was about time that I did.
I didn’t realise that I would be on the phone as opposed to fundraising. I did it for about 12 to 14 years. I eventually left because of burn-out and also because I was getting too well known.
What do you remember about it?
No caller in particular because you get every kind of problem – battered husbands, battered wives. Depression would have been the big one and I thought that I understood depression until I got it myself and it is the most dreadful thing.
How did it affect you?
It began after Jim’s sudden death two and a half years ago – we had been together for 31 years in both a personal and working relationship. I had to force myself out of bed in the morning and sometimes I would be half way into work and I would turn around and go home – it sounds crazy, but that was life then. The suffering was greater than you could imagine. I lost two stone. The lowest point was last July, when I collapsed in the street and my neighbour Anne Roper got two Polish builders to carry me home. I was later hospitalised. Friends got me proper psychiatric help and I started to recover.
It was then that you contacted the Samaritans?
I was sitting at home crying one evening around 10 or 11 and phoned the Samaritans and that helped. I needed to talk about Jim. While I had tremendous support from my friends, I felt I just couldn’t burden them any further. I actually phoned the Samaritans three times in similar circumstances and I reckoned I could see them from both sides. I wanted to talk to someone who didn’t know me and who didn’t know Jim and somebody I was not going to bump into a week later. I knew I would not be judged. And talking really does help.
What did you learn by working with them? The Samaritans cannot solve problems – only you can do that, but by talking about them you can take the pressure off and deal with the situation. It’s called non-reflective counselling. One does ask about suicide – often it is a relief and often it can help to prevent a possible suicide. Often you could lift the phone and it could take time before the person could even speak. Despair and loneliness are the biggest problems.
What have you learned from your experience of depression?
What’s most important are people. I am so lucky with my friends and even strangers. The number of letters I got from people after Jim’s death ... Out there is amazing care you don’t know about. I have boxes of letters and stories from people. After I went on Marian Finucane’s programme, one woman rang and said she had been married for 23 years and envied the relationship I had. Jim’s death made me realise how unimportant many things in life are.
How did the idea of the pin come about?
The Samaritans phoned me before Christmas last year to ask me to design the pin to sell as a fundraiser, but I only remembered three months later! It was then that they discovered that I had been on both sides of the phone. And yes, it’s the first time I have designed anything other than clothes.
Describe the design
It’s in the shape of two figures, one in textured gold plating and the other in white enamel. Basically the idea is that if you look over your shoulder there is somebody there looking after you. And it has been made by Jim’s brother, who manufactures jewellery. I actually phoned him to ask what I would have to do and he said all that was needed was a sketch and a description of what I wanted. It is designed to raise funds, but the biggest part is to raise awareness of the service that the Samaritans offer. Being on both sides has brought home to me the real value of the Samaritans’ ethos.
The Samaritan lapel pin costs €2 and will be available from www.pigsback.com from July 20th
