Fianna Fáil members have been wallowing in their rivals' startling lack of political common sense, writes MIRIAM LORD
DEATH WISH: you’ve seen the movie. Now marvel at Death Wish: the political party.
Not for the first time, it’s all about to get very bloody.
Is Fine Gael addicted to disaster? If you gave them a car, they’d crash it.
If you gave them a pool, they’d drown in it.
If you gave them a cake, they’d choke on it.
Yet, even by their own high standards, this latest Fine Gael fiasco beggars belief.
After an eight-year absence, when there was reason to believe that its people had finally been weaned off their propensity to politically self-harm, the nuclear button has been activated again.
It happened in such a sudden and spectacularly ill-judged way that audiences all over the country – regardless of political leaning – are absolutely astonished.
They can’t believe their good luck in Fianna Fáil. Instead of a weekend of bad publicity for the party, culminating in an embarrassing Dáil motion of no confidence in Brian Cowen today, they’ve been watching Fine Gael self-destruct in front of their eyes.
For the last few days, as Richard Bruton conducted a masterclass in how not to unseat an incumbent leader, the Fianna Fáilers have been wallowing in their rivals’ startling lack of political common sense.
Biffo spent yesterday gadding around Dublin doing nice little gigs like having his photo taken in an electric car, launching a new kind of hurley in Croke Park and making a speech in the sunshine of the Botanic Gardens.
Motion of no confidence? What motion? And no, he wouldn’t be so rude as to comment on the situation in Fine Gael, God bless the poor crathurs.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, plans were already well advance for the gunfight at the FG corral.
There are two principals in this latest production: party leader Enda Kenny and Richard Bruton, who used to be deputy leader until yesterday afternoon, when Enda sacked him.
Enda’s leadership has been under pressure for some time by a faction within the party known as “the mutterers”. But while they have belly-ached for a long time among themselves, no attempt was made to remove him.
At issue is Deputy Kenny’s leadership style – lack of media skills; poor Dáil performances; failure to benefit from a historically unpopular Fianna Fáil government; and a consistently poor personal showing in opinion polls.
As they see it, Enda served them well in bringing the party back from the brink of oblivion, but now a new phase and a new leader is needed for the party.
Richard Bruton, Baby Bruton, brother of former FG taoiseach John, is their choice.
Matters came to a head on Thursday night, after the publication of the latest Irish Timespoll. Another little decline for Fine Gael and a dreadful rating for the party leader.
So the mutterers got a-muttering with all the mumbling they could muster and somehow, word got around that Richard Bruton was challenging Enda for the top job.
What followed yesterday and on Sunday has been nothing short of high farce.
Richard went to ground, along with a number of his front bench colleagues. A flurry of statements supporting Enda Kenny started to flood into newsrooms. Party chief whip Paul Kehoe did his best Gerry Collins impression and pleaded with Richard to “look into his heart” and turn back from the dangerous road upon which he was embarking.
Not a word from Baby Bruton and his embedded but incommunicado frontbenchers as the Kenny supporters grew more vocal.
“I believe it is totally, totally, car-crash politics” wailed Kehoe, in the one indisputable statement of a surreal day.
This was no night of the long knives; more a long day of competing soundbites, rumour and silly silence.
Joe Duffy got in on the act and party members around the country rang in to support Enda. But a phone poll showed more support for Richard.
Back around Kildare Street, Fianna Fáil was Fianna falling around the place laughing at Fine Gael’s self-inflicted crisis.
What was Richard Bruton thinking? How did he ever imagine that it was a good idea to go to war with his leader at the same time as the party was bringing a no confidence motion against the Government?
If Enda Kenny is a weak leader, what confidence does Baby Bruton engender? Through his actions, he’s let the Government off the hook and plunged his party into chaos, displaying a truly awful sense of timing and political judgment.
If mild-mannered Richard wanted a nice, civilised transition of power, he’s managed to engineer the complete opposite. Enda, back to the wall, charged out fighting from his corner.
And Fine Gael – within sniffing distance of government – are in flitters again.
You’re supposed to shoot yourself in the foot by accident, not, as in the case of Baby Bruton and the mutterers, strap it down and fire indiscriminately at your toes with a blunderbuss.
Enda called a press conference for 5.30pm, thus getting in before Richard, who was to go on the 6pm news.
Bruton, hearing the Enda was about to make a declaration of war, nipped in live on the TV3 news, saying he was going to contest the leadership.
Cue Enda, statesman-like, firm of voice and playing the wronged party, on the steps of Leinster House, party banners flying behind him.
He’d supported John Bruton three times in leadership heaves. “I was that soldier!” How could Richard do this, after all Enda had done for the party?
“I’ve been a great friend of Richard Bruton for 25 years and politics will not interfere with that friendship” sighed Enda, before giving him the bullet.
As for the former deputy leader, he said he had to put his country above loyalty to his party. Enda had fallen short on too many occasions and it was time for him to go.
Battle lines are drawn. A split looks inevitable. Some of the moderates and older heads in the party are aghast at what is happening.
There will be blood.
And they’re breaking out the beer in Fianna Fáil.
Will they ever learn?