THE LAST STRAW: If you're holidaying in the west of France this summer, you should do yourself a favour and go see the night show at Puy de Fou. Puy de Fou is a history theme park, and the night show follows the theme, more or less. But as light entertainment goes, it occupies a category all of its own, writes Frank McNally
It's sort of a cross between the Siamsa Tíre folk theatre and Saving Private Ryan. Insofar as I could follow the French narrator, the plot traces the life of a local peasant from the 16th century wars of religion to D-Day, via the St Bartholomew's Day massacre, the revolutionary terror, the rise and fall of Napoleon, and the horrors of Verdun. But with the accent on the positive, if you know what I mean.
It's performed in the open air, after dark, before a seated audience of 14,000. The "stage" is the size of a small farm, centring on a lake with a castle in the background, and two roads extending around into the foreground where the big action takes place. The cast comprises 800 actors, and those are just the ones with two legs.
There are also 50 horses, plus an unspecified number of pigs, sheep, goats, and cattle. And if your French is poor, the livestock are key to understanding the action. When the goats and sheep turn up, we know it's peace in our time, or for a few minutes anyway. When the horses come galloping around the wings of the stage, you can be sure trouble is on the way.
But you can safely ignore the story, because the dramatic light effects, fireworks, water fountains, and ultra-realistic surround sound are the real entertainment. Indeed, it's nearly too entertaining at times. Half the novelty, if you're Irish, is sitting outdoors at midnight in your shirt-sleeves. We would have been entertained just staring at the lake.
It's also hard to describe how to get to Puy de Fou. The nearest town is Les Epesses which, if you're familiar with north-west France is located, roughly speaking, in the middle of nowhere. If you're driving, you should head for Cholet, and simply follow the excellent road-signs. Then you'll get lost anyway, like we did. But if you're lucky, you'll run into the traffic jam for the Puy de Fou, and then you're laughing.
Alternatively, you could use France's superbly-run public transport system. On the other hand, the transport workers will probably be taking part in one of France's superbly-run one-day strikes, protesting against the government's pension reforms. So I'd stick to the car if I were you.
We didn't get to the theme park. But among its reported attractions are a full-size Roman arena with chariot races, gladiators, lions, Christians - the works. Again, history is cleaned up, and the show has a surprise ending in which the Christians survive.
Another big draw at Puy de Fou is a musical falconry display with hawks, eagles and vultures flying at speeds of 90 mph within inches of spectators' heads. This can be unsettling, and it's a good idea to prepare yourself beforehand by, for example, having a picnic in a local park. If the attention of the pigeons makes you nervous, the falconry display is probably not for you.
At €21 per adult, the night show was a cheap evening out. And hearing that all proceeds go to a charitable foundation, you'd wonder how there are any proceeds. You might also wonder if a show based on French history is suitable for children. But lots of people brought their kids; and apart from a short sequence in which we were dive-bombed in surround sound, there was nothing unduly alarming.
In fact, the worst thing about bringing children to something like this is fielding the endless questions. For example, at one point, there was a revolution onstage (1789 or 1848 - your guess is as good as mine), and the word "liberté" was spelled out in blue strip lighting. Naturally, this set my four-and-a-half-year-old daughter off again.
What does that say, daddy? "It's French for liberty." What's liberty? "Freedom - you know, being free." What does being free mean? "That's a profound question, actually." Yes, but what? "Well" - here you start speaking slowly, giving a helpful example, like Bear in the Big Blue House: "If you'd stop asking me questions, then I would be 'FREE' to watch this show in peace." Speaking of peace, the story ends happily, despite all the odds. Of course, France is currently suffering the effects of more recent history; but as the Puy de Fou proves, there's a lighter side to everything. In this case, the boycott by US tourists means you should have no problem getting tickets.