The drawing up of a Parenting Plan by divorcing or separating parents is the central proposal in a booklet from the Law Society, Survival Plan for Parents in the Separation/Divorce Process, launched yesterday.
Mr Gerry Griffin, president of the society, said such a plan could be worked out in three ways: through a mediator, through solicitors or, as a last resort, by going to court and getting orders from the judge.
"The trauma of court proceedings is acute and is generally not in the best interests of children," he said.
All professionals recognise that the effect of ongoing conflict between parents is the single most determining factor in how children adjust to life after separation or divorce, he added.
The leaflet, which was drawn up by the society's family law committee, chaired by Ms Joan O'Mahony, explains: "Children realise at an early age that they are part 'Mammy' and part 'Daddy'.
"If one parent runs down the other parent to the child, or does so in the presence of the child, the child sees it as criticising a part of himself or herself, and so their self-esteem is damaged."
It lists "dos and don'ts" for separating parents. What parents should do is support the child's relationship with the other parent; try to make decisions jointly and stick by them; reassure the children that both parents love them and they won't lose them; have the children ready on time for access visits; talk to the children jointly about the separation and what it will mean and get professional help if drink, domestic violence or drugs are part of the problem.