Enfolded by utter darkness, coddled by the sweet balm of total silence, I find myself drifting wispily through time and space, my limbs weightless and somehow indistinct, a strange calm seeping through my system. . .
But then the new-age-whale-chant-space-muzak kicks in and I'm rudely nudged from my reverie, realising with a start that I haven't actually journeyed to a parallel universe, I'm merely inside a flotation tank at the Cork Floats Centre.
A quarter-of-an-hour later, after an easeful cup of herbal tea, I'm walking by the river towards the city centre and the world seems a sharp-edged and dissonant place. The surfing traffic seems to rumble just a little too loudly, the streetscape seems harshly lit. Oh, to be back in my little tank . . .
You find it in the corner of a lovely private room at the float centre (all soft wood and pastel hues), lurking somewhat threateningly in the corner. It's around seven feet tall, maybe 10 feet long, around six feet wide, and it looks like a dry-docked primordial submarine. Inside, 700 lbs. of Epsom salts have been added to 170 gallons of water, creating a 10-inch deep solution which is heated to skin temperature, a precise 93.5 degrees.
And so you power-shower, you creak open the vault-like door, you climb in, switch off the light (optional) and (in my case) promptly freak out. For the first couple of minutes, it can be a slightly edgy experience and most virgin floaters are a bit anxious that the water won't quite keep them afloat. But, then, softly and gently, you begin to drift. How does it happen? Here's the science: floating causes the body to release beta endorphin, a sort of naturally-brewed painkiller, a comfort-provider considerably more powerful than good morphine. As a result, every muscle is allowed to relax and this tranquillity causes the brain to slow and click into a nifty balance. Activity in the left (or logical) side of the brain is reduced, which triggers an increase in right-side, or creative, activity. The benefits, say the enthusiasts, are dramatic. By way of literary experiment, and to test the creativity theory, your correspondent put pen to paper less than an hour afterwards. Sadly, the resulting notes must be kept under lock and key to protect my professional reputation. (The phrase "shimmering shards of sepulchural majesty" made an appearance, and things didn't get much better).
Purple prose aside, floating is also reputed to lower blood pressure, reduce heart rate, ease muscle tension and back pain - and it can be useful against PMT, insomnia and post-natal depression. It also acts as a general balm for the immune system and can help build confidence and a sense of well-being. Pioneered by Dr John Lillie in the 1960s, it has become commonplace in the US and Europe, where many floaters have their own tanks at home.
Floating can be particularly beneficial for athletes, and many professional clubs now use the technique after a performance. Recovery rates are vastly improved, with floating taking the weight off strained joints and weary muscles.
But it is largely as a weapon against stress that floating has achieved its reputation. The hassled sing the praises of zero-gravity relaxation and, according to Mary O'Sullivan, co-director of the Cork centre, all ages, shapes and sizes have found the tank useful in combating their multifarious stress-inducers.
There's certainly something in this. After my own float, the sense of the world being a little taut at the edges quickly faded and a deep relaxation kicked in. I felt so laid-back that I had to go and have a bit of a lie-down. Over the next day or so, the results were still palpable. The brain's zany mechanics seemed to unspool at a more leisurely clip and my levels of concentration, seemed genuinely improved.
But it doesn't work for everyone. O'Sullivan says that some folk are so tightly-wound that they have difficulty entering the spirit of the thing and reap little benefit. Most, though, return again and again.
You don't need to overdo it. A float every couple of weeks will suffice, and in Ireland you'll find tanks at the Cork Float Centre on Douglas Street and at Harvest Moon on Dublin's Lower Baggot Street. A one-hour float costs £25 but special offers abound.
