Being gay isn't easy. To say that discrimination does not exist any more would be going too far. To suggest that the gay community can come and go as it pleases would be taking a step beyond reasonableness, but there have been advances.
There was one recently in Cork when a court made what for gays was a decision of some importance in the Republic's second city. It gave the gay community a place of its own with the full power of the law behind it.
Gays there go to the Other Place, a club near St Augustine's Church in an alleyway. If you are straight, they don't really want to know. If you are troubled or about to come out, there will be a welcome. Because being gay brings its attendant problems - not only in the area of families and the work environment - the gay community in Cork has organised a detailed plan of action to deal with problems that may arise.
Think of parents when they first become aware that Jack or Joan is not heterosexual. There are worries and fears. For the younger person, struggling with his or her sexuality, it is not an easy thing either. There are peer pressures, pressures to conform, pressures not to enter what for many is a nether world, but they are not the only pressures.
Mr Arthur Leahy, who came out some 30 years ago, works with people in Cork who are see king to cope with the difficulties that present themselves because of their gayness. Being gay or lesbian is one thing - being married and gay is quite another.
"Quite a number of people who come to the club are married but their spouses are not aware they are gay. For many complex reasons, they are locked into relationships. The issue could be the children, for instance, or fear of bringing disgrace to the family. Such people need a safe environment, a place where they do not feel threatened," says Arthur, who is a development worker with the gay community.
In effect, he acts as a counsellor, listening to problems, sometimes meeting parents who have just learned that their son or daughter is gay. "This can be an enormous shock for parents. All the expectations they had are shattered. The best thing to do is simply to listen. First, you have to acknowledge their fears because these fears are very real and they are trying desperately to make sense of it all.
"Part of the service we provide is a parents' support group and we find the best way to help parents through a particularly difficult time is to introduce them to other parents who have been through it themselves. There are times, too, when parents discover that not only is their offspring gay but there is an HIV problem as well. This can be especially horrendous," he says.
There are some 360 members of the Cork club, Arthur says, but he thought that in greater Cork there might be as many as 2,000 gay people. Because gay people often have to live their lives under a veil of secrecy, it is not uncommon for Limerick gays to travel to the St Augustine Street club.
Anonymity is a major factor for those who have not yet come to terms with how to break the news to their families. All those years ago, Arthur faced the issue head-on and found that his family was supportive and understanding. Through his work, he has found young people to be much more aware of their sexuality - even as early as at 15.
Young people have to be treated with a special sensitivity. Some who have not discussed their sexuality with their families tend to leave Cork for Britain or elsewhere. The gay community in Cork has asked for advice from various youth organisations.
The response has been that it is essential for a qualified youth worker to be appointed, and to this end funding from Government sources is being sought. Whether it will be granted is another matter.
Discrimination against gays still exists, Arthur Leahy says, "but less so than before". What they need most of all is a place in which to socialise, knowing they are safe and unthreatened. The club provides that, which is why heterosexuals are not allowed to become members.
"Cameras are not welcome in the club. People who have not yet come out need to have the freedom to know that they are with friends and that a neighbour down the road is not going to say `Oh, I saw so-and-so in the gay club the other night'," Arthur says.
The club is much more than a bar, restaurant, library and meeting place. It is the hub of a planned and active outreach programme to help Cork's gay community in many different ways. Since the recent court decision, it now has a full club drinks licence.
There is direct liaison with the Southern Health Board on health issues. There is a bookshop, providing front-line drop-in information; a lesbian health project, providing workshops and networking; a programme supporting gay men; and a self-help and support project, dealing with mental health, addiction, coming out etc. An information line provides information and referrals.
The outreach programme provides information, stalls and workshops in colleges and community centres, and produces a weekly newsletter dealing with lesbian health, HIV testing, hepatitis B and other health issues.
Further, it is part of a national and regional planning process as a result of the Department of Health-sponsored programme on HIV prevention among the gay community. Health and welfare continue to be a primary concern, says Arthur, and that policy will not change.