Lucy from New Zealand was in touch again recently, seeking further updates from the old country. As you may recall from her last correspondence (Febuary 17th), she was missing Ireland a lot and wanted details about prices in the shops here, traffic problems, and so on. I filled her in on these subjects, as a result of which, I imagine, she's not missing Ireland half as much now. A glutton for punishment, however, she writes: "I would like some lessons on the following: 1. Tribunals for beginners (haven't the foggiest). 2. How the masses entertain themselves amidst all the wealth and success. 3. How Irish people see themselves (perhaps through the eyes of a tourist)."
Well, to deal with the last question first, and I'll return to it later, I can only quote our Minister for Foreign Affairs. In an interview with this paper recently, he said of Ireland's reputation abroad that "we are looked to as a people who will give a fair shake". And I'm sure I speak for many of us in endorsing this, without knowing what it means.
But I'm particularly glad you asked about the tribunals, Lucy, because there are plenty of Irish people who haven't the "foggiest" about them either. Indeed, so complicated have these inquiries been, with so many adjournments and delays, that even for reporters equipped with industrial-standard fog lights, visibility is often reduced to zero.
The big problem with a beginner's guide is deciding where to begin. But maybe the best approach would be a chronological one.
In this respect, to understand the origins of the current Moriarty tribunal, for example, one has to go back even further in time to the McCracken inquiry. This, as veterans like myself recall, saw some of the most dramatic developments ever in Dublin Castle. None more so than that famous day when reporters covering the proceedings were woken up by a commotion outside, and ran out just in time to see British troops handing the castle over to General Collins and the Free State Army.
OK, it wasn't quite that long ago. But a chronological approach doesn't seem like a good idea, on reflection. Maybe a better approach would be to detail the main issues, starting with the Flood tribunal.
The first thing to remember about Flood is that it is broken up into a series of "modules". There's the Century module, for example, which concerns events surrounding the establishment of the ill-fated radio station; the George Redmond module, which concerns George Redmond; and, of course, the Apollo 13 command module, which contains the three apparently doomed astronauts.
It's no use - the tribunals are not easily summarised, whatever one's approach. Which is why I now propose to adjourn this section of the column. Public hearings of the subject will resume at an unspecified date.
Lucy's second question, about entertainment, is easier. I assume by entertainment she means the contemporary music, nightlife, cinema, and theatre scenes. As a parent, obviously, I have no experience of any of these (the last film I saw was a pre-natal screening in Holles Street), but I try to keep in touch through our weekly listings guide.
From this I know that Westlife are still top of the charts here (this is not just a problem in Ireland, of course: it is endemic in many countries, including possibly New Zealand). I'm particularly out of touch with the theatre, but I also see in the guide that a play called Iphigenia at Aulis, subtitled "final 10 perfs", is packing them in at the Abbey.
The top movie here is Traffic, which apparently concerns the drugs trade rather than the issue Lucy raised last time. But vehicular traffic remains Dublin's favourite conversational topic, and arguably in the form of the exciting new countdown screens that show pedestrians the time to elapse before the next green light qualifies as entertainment. Certainly, at some junctions, the screens now have better viewing figures than Oireachtas Report.
Sporting entertainment has been badly hit by foot-and-mouth. My own 6 per cent shareholding in a greyhound has been sidelined by the ban on racing, for example. Last weekend's English Grand National offered some respite for punters, although it was spoiled by the heavy rain which fell (along with all but two of the horses). The fallers included the one I backed, Paddy's Return, which a tipster said would run a big race. He certainly did, although not much of it was in company with his jockey, and it was only a small consolation to me that he brought down nine other horses.
Finally, returning to the question of how we're seen by tourists, it's hard at the moment to find a tourist to ask. It appears that misreporting of the foot-and-mouth problem abroad has created the impression that people visiting here face a similar level of risk, currently, to statues visiting Afghanistan. Indeed, in a dramatic attempt to save the tourist season, we're now having St Patrick's Day in May.
Meanwhile, Irish people have been urged to contact friends abroad and invite them to visit. So if you're talking to any New Zealanders, Lucy, ask them to take their holidays here. Whatever happens, well give them a fair shake.
Frank McNally can be contacted at fmcnally@irish-times.ie
