Bertie's babbling could be Beckett in a bin

Dáil Sketch / Miriam Lord: Enda Kenny is worried about efficiency in the public service, and whether the benchmarking of pay…

Dáil Sketch / Miriam Lord:Enda Kenny is worried about efficiency in the public service, and whether the benchmarking of pay is improving matters.

He cites a number of examples where money has been paid out, but where he feels standards have not necessarily improved. In particular, he notes the recent case of "a Minister not notified at the highest level" of important developments relating to his brief.

"Now that's not efficiency," says the Fine Gael leader.

It's a typical sort of question, and Bertie rises and gives a typical reply. It wafts lightly across the chamber. His voice is soothing.

READ MORE

Reporters don't get stressed trying to take a contemporaneous note. They have long learned that such an exercise is futile. Best to try and get down the sense of what the Taoiseach is saying, or trust in technology and replay his words at leisure afterwards.

At the end of his typical and unremarkable reply, Bertie addresses the issue of the Minister who was left in the dark - Noel Dempsey, as it happened.

Here is the uncut version of what he said: "In relation to Minister Dempsey's department, or my own department, I mean, there are sometimes, for some reason and other, something isn't brought to the attention of all the relevant people, whether that's the Taoiseach, or Minister, Minister of State or some other public servant - there will be reports done in that case - but I have to say, in fairness, in every department it is complex, there's a huge range of issues going on and I would always defend those involved in them because it is so easy, I mean, when I walked - deputy Kenny will appreciate - when I walk the corridor to here, I'm everyday, I'm everyday and back, caught by officials and well, 'is it all right to me we move on this? or what we'd said last week at a cabinet committee or there's this meeting in Northern Ireland or there's this meeting in Europe,' and I give instant decisions.

"If I was to think every time, then some official goes in, puts that all in an e-mail. If you were to show me that in two months, you know, the complexities that are involved in that, the only thing I find - you would, wouldn't take this away from me - is watching this: how everyone is having so much difficulty remembering what happened a month ago and the eminent people in another location expecting me to answer remember everything with certainty what happened 17 years ago, but that's maybe they accredit me more intelligence than everyone else, but anyway . . ."

At which point, Enda Kenny interjects: "Fifty thousand!"

Bertie is momentarily knocked off his stride by the Fine Gael leader's impudent reminder that the amount of money the Mahon tribunal was asking him about represented the memorably round figure of 50K.

"I, I, I, well, I don't think it's that, I don't mention, remember everything. Eh, but it is difficult, but that's part of the, that's part of the system, I think if you're making decisions like that some things can go wrong.

"I honestly think we have a Civil Service that do our very, very best to avoid any of these issues and admittedly some things go wrong. But it's not, it's not, I think anything that is ever other than people doing their very best in their job."

The above Dáil extract will appear on next year's Leaving Cert English paper (higher level).

There are rumours that Barry McGovern is in negotiations with the Gate Theatre to perform a Bertie one-man show in the spring. During the performance he will wear an old anorak and speak his lines from inside a dustbin.

Fintan will love it.