Enter Planet Hague. The title is a spin-off from Planet Tory, a photographic exploration of the Tory Story currently showing in London. It depicts today's Conservatives as "almost in a parallel reality, completely unlike the people you meet in your everyday life".
The captain's set is obviously intended to look futuristic. A hangar for alien aircraft? The strange Dalek-style podium has survived October's party conference. Thankfully, Mr Hague's head no longer sits disembodied above it.
On the contrary, the 40-yearold would-be prime minister is very much all there, fit, confident and happy in his own skin.
The man Labour dubs "Billy Bandwagon" arrives on stage with a cocky swagger and a knowing nod to pals (well, pals for the moment at least) Widdecombe, Portillo and Maude.
His opening line is hardly crafted to counter charges of negative campaigning. "My greatest fear for the country that I love is that we will wake up one day and find that something very precious has been lost without our ever quite realising how or why we let it happen." And, no, he definitely is not talking about his leadership.
The message is at once apocalyptic and reassuring. The spirit of enterprise is under fire from high taxation, regulation and conformity. The streets are becoming more threatening. The United Kingdom's power to run its own affairs is being surrendered to the European Union. "And the greatest danger of all is that people begin to think all of this is inevitable."
But there is a choice, a vision of the country when true to itself, "proud of what makes us distinctive as a nation". Conservative principles, and "the common-sense instincts of the mainstream majority".
More police on the streets and more criminals in prison. Taxes cut. Doctors, nurses and head teachers set free. One million pensioners lifted out of tax . The unborn (and those not yet 11) beneficiaries of a new married couples' allowance that rewards the family. Freedom and responsibility. And respect - for all the people, whatever their race, religion, colour or sexual orientation.
Tony Blair said the Dome would be a vivid symbol of Labour's Britain. It was. "Step inside and you could be anywhere. It was banal, anonymous and rootless. It lacked a sense of Britain's history or its potential."
The Tories would halt the erosion of Britain's independence, argue for a different kind of Europe and, above all, keep the pound.
Taxes down. Streets and inner cities made safe. Respect for pensioners. In Europe, not run by it. Grip got on the crisis in the countryside. Schools that parents want. Support for marriage and the family. People freed to shape their own lives. A time to choose "between a Labour Party that trusts government and a Conservative Party that trusts people".
Mr Hague was maybe overegging his claim to have produced the most radical Tory manifesto in a generation. But there was no doubt this would play well on Planet Thatcher.
As for the rest of the country?
A departing colleague wondered about that set. Doesn't it remind you of the Titanic? No. "Well, whatever it is, it's still going down," he said with terrible certainty.