On the campaign trail with Enda Kenny:Enda Kenny is a man in a hurry. On the first full day of his election campaign, he dashed through Meath East and Meath West like sandy-haired greased lightning. Turns out he doesn't go on walkabouts - he goes on jogabouts. Even his team were hard-pressed to keep up with him as he pressed the flesh yesterday.
Trying to lose weight? He'll keep you trim in Trim. Just follow Enda down supermarket aisles, into butcher shops and up boreens over the next few weeks. It's the Special K(enny) fitness regime. Drop a jean size by May 24th or your money back.
Before his whistle-stop tour of the royal county he was peddling a different kind of contract near the Fine Gael HQ in Dublin. FG are into super-sized statements these days. There was the giant P45 for the Government on Sunday and yesterday it was time for the giant "contract" with the Irish people. Enda explained to a frantic media scrum that no Minister in the current administration had ever put their hand up and admitted they had not kept their promises. If Enda is elected as taoiseach and doesn't keep his promises, he promises not to seek re-election.
The contract was sealed with a smacker from his wife Fionnuala O'Kelly who helped kiss, sorry kick-start his campaign. Enda took out a big black marker and signed the "contract" as four young Fine Gaelers from four provinces representing the people did the same.
Fionnuala, who party workers say will join Enda at key campaign moments, loves elections. "It's better than housework anyway," she says.
Over the next few weeks she'll be flying Enda's flag in their Mayo constituency while her husband takes his campaign around the country. "I'm hoping people will see the real Enda Kenny on the election trail," she said, her black skirt billowing in the wind.
Does she mind some of the negative press her husband receives? "There is that perception that he is wooden, but it's just not true. He's great fun, wonderful company, a fantastic mimic."
Having worked in public relations - she was Charlie Haughey's press officer in a past life - she understands the way things work but says that "sometimes I just feel like saying to the critics, 'leave him alone'". The link with Haughey is a running joke between the couple.
When a woman with a dog comes along to speak to Enda, he asks the name of the mutt. "Charlie," she replies. "Well, now, I want you to meet the original Charlie's Angel," he says pointing over to his wife. This is one angel who might turn out to be Kenny's secret campaign weapon.
The FG team travel in a convoy of biofuel jeeps to Co Meath and keep in touch with walkie-talkies. First stop was St Peter's Community College in Dunboyne, Co Meath, where former teacher Enda was quizzed by secondary school students. He fielded questions on everything from FG's policy to make the Irish language optional - he included the unfortunate phrase "hip agus cool" in his answer - to random drug testing in schools. Brian O'Shaughnessy (14) was impressed. "I wasn't sure he would be able to relate to us but he seems interested and his eye contact is good," he said.
After school, it was off for a walkabout in Dunboyne accompanied by FG candidate Regina Doherty and local TD Shane McEntee. He gets smiles from older women, firm handshakes from men, and giggles from children.
He is Speedy Gonzales. He places a €20 bet for two FG seats in Meath East, works the queue of schoolchildren in the supermarket and zips through a crowded restaurant quicker than you can say "Mahon Tribunal".
Speaking of which, Enda is maintaining a dignified near-silence on the Bertie Ahern revelations, only calling them "bizarre" at a briefing outside Our Lady's Hospital in Navan. By this stage he has been joined by sitting Meath East TD Damien English and FG hopeful GAA hero Graham Geraghty, who is a bit of a rock star in these parts.
It comes to me near Ashbourne. Who it is Enda Kenny has been reminding me of all day. The Fine Gael leader is not unlike that Northern Irish man who used to present the TV programme Catchphrase.
"Say what you see," Roy Walker used to entreat contestants who were trying to figure out a puzzle on the big screen. That's what Enda does on the election trail. He says what he sees.
Here's Enda to a butcher with spiky hair: "You have the best hairstyle of any butcher". Here he is to a woman in a flower shop: "You have lovely roses". To several men/women wearing sunglasses: "Great shades, man". When a young girl with piercings catches his eye he is over in a flash. "This is the young generation," he says to Damien English.
You can't help feeling a bit mortified for him sometimes, but Enda just bounds on to the next voter and, in fairness, the punters appear to lap it up.
There is a spring in Kenny's step. There's a confidence that might have something to do with the recent polls. Occasionally you glimpse a different kind of Enda Kenny than the bland image he projects on TV.
Taoiseach Kenny? Who knows?
Wherever he is going, he is going there at breakneck speed.