Primark Essentials Natural Tan€1.50/four pairs The logical approach to tights, especially the easily punctured 15 denier summer variety, is to go cheap. These are 100 per cent nylon with no elastane, which makes them quite breathable, but also means they're not as likely to stay in the right place.

Hello, ankle creases. The Essentials range – Penneys lowest price offer – would never survive a bank raid but at 37.5 cent per pair, we’re Penneys regulars for transparent tights and stuff spares into our satchels for when they inevitably go to hosiery heaven.

Verdict:No lustre, but a no brainer.  * * *

Falke Seidenglatt Crystal  €13/one pair

We could spend a long time coming up with indulgent adjectives for how glorious these tights feel, but it is, in fact, all in the title: seidenglatt is German for “smooth like silk”. This is not false advertising by Falke. Still, at this price, it is essential that they survive both the day and the wash. And they do. These strong and comfortable tights are “shining” – whether that’s a drawback depends entirely on how you feel about giving your legs an aura.

Verdict:A special occasions must.  * * * *

Marks Spencer Natural Tan€6/three pairs

Although these shine tights are not officially support tights, they have “reinforced body with gusset”, which will indeed work some panelling magic on a wobbly midriff. Fair play to MS, it can’t be accused of not knowing its customer. At a more modest cost, and with no ladders, snags or toe-holes to report, these are a sensible upgrade from the basic Penneys default option and better quality, too. They’ll make a rougher sound than the Falke beauties though: less swishing silk, more sweeping brush.

Verdict:Fits the unexciting bill.  * * *

Wolford Sheer €21/one pair

Wolford is the well-to-do great-aunt of hosiery: it’s been around a long time, has a reputation for sturdiness and doesn’t come cheap. These boasted “a virtually matt look”, which should have been delightful for covering up veiny flesh in the office without looking like we’re on Strictly Come Dancing. But matt tights shouldn’t automatically mean grannyish and these sadly were. The walking noise they generated was the sound of a cyclists’ anorak. Stick to Wolford for its winter wools.

Verdict:Neither cool nor disposable.   *