It's Autumn on an island off the coast of Australia. Twelve men and nine teenage boys wait contentedly for a ferry to bring them back from a weekend away. Not a weekend of beer-swilling revelry away from the sheilas, for these are no Crocodile Dundees. These are new men, fathers and sons away for a weekend of masculine bonding in which the boys talked of their hopes for the future, the dads openly of their love and admiration for their sons.

As Steve Biddulph, author of Raising Boys, comments: "Fathers openly praising their sons!" Sneer if you want at "Iron John" behaviour; nothing but good can come of this.

Boys in the western world face something of a crisis. Young men are at higher risk of accidents, suicide and violent assault (by other young men) than young women. They are frequently outperformed by girls academically. And they must contend with negative images of maleness - rape, sex abuse - that make daily headlines, as well as the put-downs of masculinity in sitcoms and soaps. Feminists rightly reject the notion that women becoming strong has made men weak. But feminist mothers of boys are sometimes shocked when they realise how much they fear for their sons' happiness in this harsh new world.

In this context, Biddulph's book is likely to be seized on by parents - it was hard enough to keep the book on my office desk long enough to write this review. Happily, it is good as well as topical, with practical advice on a wide range of issues, from sex to housework, from single mothering to good fathering. This last is crucial in Biddulph's eyes. Boys, especially teenage boys, need fathers, he says - fathers who play with them, show them how to do things, are affectionate but strong, warm but a little stern, and willing, in a kind way, to keep them in check. Separated fathers should stay in touch, and single mothers should try to find adult men - uncles, grandfathers, friends, teachers, youth leaders - who can do some of that fathering.

This is something of a truism, of course. Biddulph goes further, and says that boys need not only fathers but adult male "mentors" outside the family to help them successfully make the transition to manhood. His thesis is that boys, especially teenagers, need order, structure, and active initiation into how to be a man.

This Australian family therapist issues his edicts with little pomp and lots of humour. If the book can be summed up - and this is hard - it would along the following lines. His message is that

Boys are different from girls, because of testosterone levels and a different rate of brain development.

Their masculinity - energy, aggression, competitiveness - should be channelled, not squashed; areas of weakness - e.g. slower development of language - should be compensated for.

Boys need fathers who are actively involved with them and, in teenage years, at least one adult male friend or "mentor" to help them make the transition to manhood. Mothers should encourage fathers' involvement, and avoid displacing them by doing their share of the parenting.

Fathers should enjoy the rough and tumble games that boys love, using play to teach the lesson that most boys need to learn - when to stop.

Single mothers need to find a male role model for their sons, and realise that they need support and time for themselves to cope. In teenage years, it's important never to get as far as a yelling or hitting match; if your son is hitting or intimidating you, get help - for both your sakes.

Boys need to learn about tenderness by receiving it from babyhood onwards - mothers and fathers should both be physically demonstrative to their sons for as long as the latter are comfortable with it.

Parents should accept boys' sexuality. Teach that you should never harm or misuse somebody else, be open about sex, let boys know that masturbation is okay, support your teenage son if he tells you he's gay. Encourage them to have friends who are girls; a boy who is fearful and afraid of women is more likely to want to control them, and may stay a lad for life.

Encourage sport that is participatory, safe, non-elitist and fun; don't let it be spoiled by excessive competition and a jock culture that encourages aggression, sexual crudity and binge drinking.

Housework will not only prepare boys for life in the real world, it will promote their self-esteem in the same way as being able to do other useful things.

Some of this may seem blindingly obvious to some parents, heresy to others. Biddulph is at pains to point out that his contention that boys and girls are different is not an argument for sexism - and he is clearly not sexist.

"What we all want is young men who are happy, creative, energetic and kind. We need our boys to turn into young men who will care about others and be part of the solutions of the 21st century. And in the meantime, we need them to do the dishes and tidy their rooms!"

THE PEOPLE who wanted to snatch my book - all mothers with sons, not fathers, you may not be surprised to hear - are eager for advice on how to raise sons in the era of girl power. Feminists in particular seem concerned for their sons, perhaps because they are most aware of the damage negative stereotyping can do. One mother wants to know how to give her son self-esteem; another wonders to do when her sons stop kissing her goodnight.

Biddulph's book is a very practical aid. You may balk at some of the male-bonding stuff (there's a bit too much of the this-is-how-the-wise-Indians-did-it, in this as in so many childcare books). You may feel a perfectly natural Irish embarrassment at the idea of having a celebration-of-puberty day, or dropping words like "masturbation" and "orgasm" into teatime chat so they'll feel comfortable with their sexuality.

You may be startled by one of his suggestions: let boys start primary school a year later than girls, when their fine motor skills and concentration ability are more ready. You might disagree strongly with his views on ADD - he is sceptical about using drugs. But if you have sons you are likely to find him fascinating and useful.

And remember: watch out that your copy of the book doesn't walk.

Raising Boys is published in paperback by Thorsons (£7.99 sterling).