Abair anois a phist, "Ta an togar ag rith; ta se ag rith go tapa." You'd better believe it. To take a look at the accounts of any primary school board of management account you'd be forgiven for thinking that Mr Woods has finally lost the plot and started doing a Gay Byrne on it. Final answer, a Phromhoide, take the money and run. There are cheques flying into the coffers for every available cause, from school planning to PE to science. And then some.

So what are we doing with all this dosh? Going wild, spending with abandon? Well, we got rid of the infant grant in one fell swoop the day after it arrived - timely rep arrived at our door with wares to the exact value of the grant cheque. And we spent the library grant over a month or two as more and more reps copped on to the abundance of money floating around schools of late.

Just as we sighed at the departure of the last of the literacy dough, the word arrived that it was going to be an annual event. And with it came visual arts money, and on and on it rolled. All welcome and well overdue. But after years of penury, we're not sure what to do with it. We're dazed by our newfound wealth.

And the latest practice of dumping these monies directly on to the school accounts without any information as to their purpose has left us at best puzzled and, at worst, furious. Its not that we don't want them, it would just be nice to know what they are for.

The one that really took our fancy was the unfathomable £975 that arrived unheralded just before Christmas and sat in solitary glory in the bank defying all attempts at explanation. In exasperation, we decided to phone the Department and seek clarification. "Whaddat?" we demanded. Caretaker? Capitation? What? Well, its a once-off payment to facilitate the introduction of the revised curriculum. Oh! Right! What does that mean? What can we spend it on?

All they can tell us is that we will be told later. We have the money, but no one seems to have any idea how it is to be used. Eventually the truth comes out: the Department was obliged to pay out the cash before the end of 2000, so paid out it was. And we can hatch it and wait to be informed as to its purpose.

Only in Ireland, eh?