Originally from Dublin, Robert Howell's family moved to England when he was boy and he grew up in Birmingham. The Howells moved to Ireland four years ago when Robert's wife, Krystyna, accepted a management position with a large Dublin estate agency. They have two children, Zosia (seven) and Finnbar (four). Robert has been a stay-at-home Dad since Zosia was born.
"I'd been working with an opera company on set construction and it was demanding, physical work," says Howell. "I had hurt my back badly a number of years before and the injury had started to come back at me. I was finding it almost impossible to work.
"Around this time Zosia was born and, when it was time for Krystyna to go back to work, I opted to mind Zosia until the following Christmas. It was both a solution to our childminding needs but also something I thought I'd like to do and that I felt I'd be good at. This is how my time at home began and I wouldn't trade the experience I've had for anything."
Howell's feelings are echoed by Tony Cunningham who became a househusband when he was made redundant four years ago. The Cunninghams have two children, Maeve (10) and Sean (four) and Sally Cunningham is a national school teacher. "I had been working since I left school," says Cunningham, "and I'd reached a point where I was no longer happy doing what I was doing."
He had always wanted to study but had never got around to it. "Then we discovered our son was on the way and that we were going to have to sort out a childminder. So all of these elements sort of came together - I was made redundant, Sean was on the way and I saw it as an opportunity to both solve our childminding needs and look at the possibility of studying.
"I have to say that the idea of looking after Sean and Maeve also appealed to me. When Maeve was small we had an excellent minder for her, but we were going to have to find someone new and I wasn't very enthusiastic about it. That helped make the decision for me. It's been an absolute and incredible privilege to have been with them."
Both men make light of the less glamorous side of child-rearing. "Sure you have to get used to all the messy bits that go with having kids," says Howell. "But you just get on with it. When our kids were small I was very particular about things. I washed terry towelling nappies instead of using disposable ones. I started growing vegetables so the kids would have good, nutritious food. I got used to surviving on just a few hours sleep and I got good at knowing instinctively what the kids needed.
"I don't for a minute think I'm the perfect father. I get fed up at times and do all the things I'm not supposed to do, but on balance I'd say our kids are happy and well adjusted. They're both bright and I really enjoy being with them and doing things with them. I think the greatest gift you can give your children is your time."
A drawback of being a househusband identified by both men is the occasional feeling of isolation and being left out. "You can't casually invite a woman you meet at the school gate back for coffee the way another women can," says Howell. "You don't get invited to coffee mornings and, if you do invite someone over, you start wondering if your intentions are being misconstrued.
"I found the isolation difficult at times and you do go a bit `gaga' when you're with small children continuously. I also found the reaction of some women to what I was doing was not very positive."
The problem of being at home all day was less acute for Cunningham. He began studying for a distance learning humanities degree with DCU around the same time he started minding the children. "I did most of the housework when Sean was asleep," he says, "and, when he was awake but quiet, I used to cradle him in my arms and read a book at the same time."
He also felt "`a bit out of it" sometimes as one man among a lot of women. "Initially, I used to joke about dropping over for coffee but there was a strange, unspoken reaction, so I stopped. The women on my course were fantastic and very supportive, but I did get some flak from other men who seemed very resistant to the idea of a man doing what they considered to be women's work."
Over the past year Robert Howell has begun to think about spreading his interests wider and he has begun wood-turning as a hobby. "I bought a small lathe and I'm experimenting to see if it's something I could be good at. There are still loads of things I'd like to do with my life and I hope to get round to eventually. But, at the moment, the kids are still my priority, the most precious thing I have."
With his BA completed, Tony Cunningham has moved on to do a master's degree in sociology at NUI Maynooth. He is also tutoring on DCU's introductory course for distance learners.
"It involves a little bit of juggling at the moment," he says, "but I'm very happy with how things have worked out. Initially, I was a bit worried about us taking a big drop in income when I decided to stay at home, but Sally was really supportive and we went ahead. As things turned out my fears were unfounded, as this has never been an issue."
