The task of growing from childhood to adulthood is a major one. The rapid growth and development which occurs during adolescence differentiates this period from later childhood. The physical, sexual, emotional, social and intellectual changes that occur transform children into adults. There are huge energy, a great deal of excitement - but also stresses and difficulties during this period.

It is a time of self-reflection, when teenagers explore who they are. There is an upsurge in mood changes, feelings of misery, worries about the future and anxieties about such matters as taking part in social activities.

Worries are as varied as each person is different. There are, however, some common sources.

School factors: There may be concern about "keeping up" and doing well in examinations.

Physical appearance: Young people may not feel comfortable with their "new" bodies and wonder how they look to others. They may believe that everyone else is looking better than them. Acne can cause embarrassment, and young people are also easily embarrassed by comments about clothes and appearance.

Relationships with peers: Feeling excluded and isolated or losing friends can be very difficult to handle. Peers are particularly important during teenage years, so when difficulties occur this can be a major source of stress.

Relationships with parents: Conflict between parents can be particularly stressful for young people. Teenagers sometimes worry about their parents' health as well as their relationships with their parents. Life can be difficult for young people who feel that their parents do not accept them.

Most teenagers deal with these new pressures with relative ease and are generally happy. For many young people, feelings of sadness, sensitivity and low self-esteem manifest themselves briefly at certain periods and then become minimal or disappear completely.

It is estimated that 10 to 15 per cent of adolescents experience significant distress. The perfectionist and the very driven are the most vulnerable. The fact that serious problems occur only in a small minority of young people is of little comfort to the average parent, as we do not know how our children will grow during this period. Shyness, acute embarrassment, a sense of inferiority, sensitivity and low self-esteem are some of the difficulties that lead to distress for some young people. It is when these feelings are frequent and intense that real concern is felt. For the most part, young people who have felt this way become well adjusted adults.

Parental support is undoubtedly a vital factor in the young person's ability to deal with the developmental issues of adolescence. We are seldom more needed by our children, for emotional support, than at this stage. Yet the ambivalence of our children towards us makes it more difficult. Their challenging behaviour may threaten us.

Some ways of supporting our children when they are under stress are:

ensuring emotional security at home by listening and keeping judgements out of the picture - they need to know that they can confide in us without fear of criticism or rejection;

predictability about how things are done at home, both in terms of routines and a calm emotional climate - the fluctuations in their world require them to have a secure base;

a balance between togetherness and separation in the family.

Plan group activities and individual activities. Plan activities that you can enjoy together. We need to continue family activities during times of crisis.

Knowing that there is someone who cares matters to young people. Be available to listen, support and encourage.

Maintaining a healthy lifestyle is especially important for young people who are stressed. They should be encouraged to spend time relaxing - help them to participate in something they enjoy. Encourage them to meet friends or bring their friends home, and be sure to make their friends welcome.

Teach, by example, ways of expressing feelings, and learn to listen to your children express their feelings. Try not to judge, moralise or humour him/her out of a particular mood or sentiment.

Young people need us to listen, to hear, to understand. We do not always have to agree with them. Listening and understanding helps them feel they matter.

Your child needs your stability and hope. It is calming and reassuring to see stability when so much change is happening. They also need our hope; when we despair, we will be of little help to our children.

It is important for us to realise that no family is problem-free. Families give continuity, not perfection. We don't have to be perfect to be good parents. What is important is that we show love and care for our children; listen to and respect their opinions; support and encourage them; and notice when they are stressed. With this support, they will be better able to handle the difficult situations that arise.

Ruby Morrow is a psychologist in the Department of Education.