It is the time of year when young people are expected to determine their career paths. Some are clear in their decisions, some are indecisive and other have no idea what direction they want to take.

Parents can feel frustrated and angry with those who are indecisive and, particularly, with those who appear to have no definite ambitions.

But the place for parents on the playing field of their children's decision-making about their careers is on the sidelines, ready to offer support, encouragement and financial resources. It is unwise for parents to project their ambitions onto their offspring. Children are here to live their own lives, not the lives of their parents.

You have to go back only a little way, however, to reach the time when the priesthood was seen as a highly desirable career, even more so than teaching, medicine and nursing, and there was a common belief that it was the mother who had the vocation, not the young man. Have things changed?

In recent years I have helped young people who were afraid, sometimes terrified, to tell their parents that the profession they were pursuing was not what they wanted to do.

Parents who are into prestige rather than the unique person of each family member often subconsciously press their children to follow in their footsteps.

A sign of this is that some of the socially approved professions - in medicine, education, law and high finance - are frequently incestuous. Bitter disappointment, even emotional rejection, can occur when a son or daughter does not conform to the expectations of parents.

Certainly there may be a serious motivation issue when young people choose to go on a particular third-level course for one or more of the following reasons:

"anything to get out of home",

"to please my parents",

"to be with my friends",

"to please my teachers",

"to enjoy the crack",

"because the college plays rugby".

Parents may be throwing good money after bad when they finance any of these reasons. Dropout, little or no study, over-the-top dedication and becoming a perpetual student are possible outcomes.

Parents may feel fortunate when their son is highly committed, but burnout and sickness may result in an effort to escape being in a career that has been chosen by somebody else.

The key to choosing a career is to pursue what is important to you. Young people are not born knowing their core needs and drives.

It helps to ask questions about what types of experiences have brought you fulfilment in the past. What inspired you? What did you have (and perhaps still have) a passion for doing? What activity motivated you to get up each day? What activities excited and moved you?

All of us have certain experiences we crave in order to feel satisfaction and fulfilment in life, experiences such as belonging, acceptance, understanding, achievement, adventure and spiritual meaning.

Although these needs vary from person to person, each person's sense of quality of life is directly related to how well these needs are met.

These core fulfilment needs are central to career choice and need to be met in college and at work, as in all areas of a person's life, or self-esteem starts to suffer.

When a young person lacks sureness and self-confidence and is bedevilled by all sorts of doubts, fears and insecurities, making a career choice is not a priority. Indeed, taking a year out to do some self-work is more important than launching oneself on a career path. Self-work is the most important work of all, and it is the bedrock for all exploration: relationships, work, interests, spirituality, sports, travel and so on.

It is common for young people taking a year out to travel, mostly down under, in Australia and New Zealand. I am all for such an adventure before pursuing a career, but I sometimes wonder whether the young people would benefit more from an inner-down-under journey, to discover the wonder, power, uniqueness and sacredness of the self that lies within.

My experience is that not long after coming home from their travels many of the insecurities they had before they left rapidly re-emerge. An outer journey does not necessarily lead to a lessening of insecurity and a deepening of maturity.

Most of all, I would encourage young people to be true to themselves, as the lies that deeply affect our self- esteem are not so much the lies we tell as the lies we live. Be sure, too, that your chosen life path has a heart. If it doesn't, it is of no use. If it does, the path is good.

Dr Tony Humphreys is a consultant clinical psychologist and author of Work And Worth: Take Back Your Life (Gill & Macmillan)