I was giving a talk to a group of teenage girls about sexuality and contraception the other evening when the comments about planned pregnancies by the Archbishop of Dublin, Desmond Connell, were brought up by the girls themselves.

The general feeling around the room was "what would he know about it all?"

When I was asked about my personal opinion on the matter, I had to tell a story about my own history to explain why I felt so upset about the speech. Because of the reaction of the girls involved, I felt it was worth writing about.

Many years ago I used to be a midwife on the district delivering babies at home. It was in a place called Chelmsford, Essex.

One day, we midwives were taken off to see a pair of forceps which were kept in a local museum there. These forceps were very important to the midwifery practice of an earlier era (though they looked like a large pair of salad servers to me). The story goes that, in those days, many women died young during childbirth, but in this one particular family the women survived having baby after baby. As time passed, the family then revealed their secret - the forceps. These forceps were used to pull the baby out of the mother.

Whereas previously if a woman was having a large baby or was very young herself and could not, after a long painful labour, push the baby out, both she and the baby might die a long, drawn-out death - with the baby literally stuck inside. Thankfully, obstetrics has progressed and women rarely die in childbirth. The reasons for this are manifold, including many fantastic developments in obstetrics; another of the reasons is contraception. Now a woman can plan her babies, and so her health is not put at risk from having baby after baby.

It is well known that a mother needs time to get fit again after a pregnancy and to build herself up. With contraception, before another pregnancy is embarked upon, the mother is 100 per cent fit again. This gives the next baby a better start in life, now that we have the knowledge of how important it is that essential nutrients such as folic acid are in sufficient supply in the mother before she conceives again.

This is what is wonderful about contraception: that it gives the mother time, so that the baby has the best possible start; a healthy, happy mother, fit both emotionally and physically after the last birth, is able to bear a healthy baby and give the new child her fullest attention. She is not tired and drained from having one baby after another, after another.

Let's face it, you just have to read old novels to notice many men having more than one or even two wives because previous (God rest their souls) wives died during birth.

Better yet, we can talk to our grandmothers about how they had baby after baby with no choice in the matter.

The teenagers I talked to had not realised how having sex could radically change the lives of women in the past. It could mean death. It could mean being ostracised by society - look at the awful revelations about the mother-and-baby homes and how badly some of the women were treated.

So, with respect to the women of the past and the present, I feel the Archbishop should have thought about what he said more carefully.

The teenage girls, moreover, realised they were very lucky to have contraception available should they decide to have sex in the future - even though it was not usually a life-and-death issue these days (apart of course from the well-stressed risks of AIDS if no precautions are taken and safe sex not practised).

But they themselves realised the importance of not having sex lightly, without thought of the consequences - even today it can be a step of great importance, in terms of responsibility and health; for many reasons it is not a step to be taken lightly, as it could hurt many people.

I felt the girls taught themselves a lot that evening.

It is so difficult for teenage girls today: they fall between the soap operas they watch - where everyone is practically sleeping with everyone on the first date - and the church, which seems to be living in the dark ages.

That is why it is so important for parents to talk about all of life and leave the door open to discuss all issues, including sex, drink and drugs, in a non-judgmental way - because it's we who teach our children what is important in life and what code of morals to live by.