The publicity surrounding Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky is creating a real dilemma for many parents and teachers. The lurid details of the Starr report have exposed children to wrong messages about sex and sexuality. No caring adult wants to destroy the innocence of young children by giving them information before they are ready. Yet parents need to be sensitive to how confused youngsters can be by what they hear from media sources.

The father of a seven-year-old boy gave me a beautiful example. His son brought home a note home from school inviting parents to a meeting about the RSE programme. A good reader, the child took pride in reading out the notice for his family, then asked: "Will Monica Lewinsky be there"

The father wisely turned the question back on the child. "Why do you think she might be there?"

"Because it's about sex," was the answer.

It is impossible to protect children from hearing the inappropriate details that have been broadcast in every news report on radio and television about the president and the intern. Don't assume that these reports go over the heads of young children. They don't.

Parents are wondering: should we talk about it to the children or should we ignore it? If a seven- or eight-year-old asks `what did the president do', give some answer. If the question is ignored, children get the message that something to do with the president and sex is so terrible that their parents or teachers are too disgusted to talk about it.

The child may then feel bad for asking the question, and scared.

It is frightening for children when adults act shocked and scandalised. The danger is they will think sex is dirty if they don't get the reassurance they need.

The easiest way to answer the questions younger ones ask is to simply reply: "What do you think yourself?" Before puberty, they are more likely to focus on the lies than the intimate behaviour. If the child then says, "I think he lied", all you need to do is agree.

"Yes, you're right and everyone is disappointed. He let Hillary and Chelsea and all the people of America down and they are very disappointed."

This may give the reassurance the child needs. Check by asking: "Does that answer your question" For parents who want to protect the innocence of older children, to ignore questions raised by the media hype is like burying one's head in the sand. These issue simply will not go away. When questions about sexual topics are treated as a taboo subject that the family does not discuss, children do not remain innocent. If adults won't answer, they will ask their peers. We do adolescents no favours when we keep them ignorant. Young people do not learn to make good moral choices by osmosis. They must be taught. Too often in the past pupils who asked challenging questions were fobbed off by being referred to church teaching. Happily we have moved away from the narrow moral education that understood Christian morality as simple obedience to church laws.

If there is a genuine desire to help teenagers to grow to moral maturity, responsible teachers and parents must allow open discussion.

If adolescents want to discuss issues highlighted in the media, they need to talk openly - without feeling judged or condemned.

There is no need to go into the sordid details of how Bill and Monica behaved. Good teaching helps them learn that morality is about making choices and involves the common good.

We need to educate them to know that morally good actions foster good relationships which enable us to grow as persons. Morally wrong actions damage those relationships and block personal growth.

Young people are crying out for guidance on sexual morality. Whether they get it or not, they are making up their own minds on sexual issues. Many do so in a moral vacuum guided only by their peers and the agony aunts in magazines who give value-free advice. Is it surprising that young people claim to be following conscience when they are simply doing exactly what they please? Are they to blame if parents and teachers, who have the responsibility to educate them for life, fail to challenge the wrong messages about sex and sexuality they are getting from the media?