GERALDINE, a mother of eight working full time in the home, should give courses to parents on how to survive the Leaving. She has put six children through the exam in the past 10 years, and has a son doing the exam this year. She is still learning, she says, but she has clearly learned plenty from her experience.

One of the most important things, she says, is to recognise how your child's personality as well as academic ability will affect how he or she tackles the Leaving. All but one of her six went on to third level education (some after doing repeats), and two now have good jobs; but only two were self motivated to the point where Geraldine had very little pushing to do.

One son worked in spurts, interrupted by long periods of inactivity; her second eldest daughter found it really hard to concentrate, which drove her to nag.

Getting cross with a child who's apparently slacking is the most natural thing in the world - but, as Geraldine discovered, it's a complete waste of time. The family, who live near a large country town, run a fairly tight ship, with children only going out once a month to socialise during the school year. But apart from that, she says, all you can do is encourage, talk and try to relieve the pressure.

The pressure now, even compared to 10 years ago, is intense, Geraldine says. Up to a few years ago she would have dismissed complaints about stress as being over dramatic.

Not now. Now, she says, you have to go with the flow. The golden rule is not to panic if they're panicking, but to reassure them that it doesn't matter - while simultaneously telling them they can do it, and "gently keeping them going".

She truly does not believe that doing badly in the Leaving is the end of the world, she says - though she values third level education very much and is an expert on the CAO/CAS. She now knows, she says, that some children take longer to mature than others, longer to find out what they want to do, and that with patience, they will in the end find out what that is. She tells her children that if they are happy with their results and where the results - take them whether it's to college or not - then she will be happy.

And while she will do anything to help them - get grinds if necessary, travel to Dublin herself to make sure letters of application get in on time - she thinks it's madness to push as hard as some parents do.

"You see parents who can't accept that a B student can't get all As, and send them to four or five grinds and they still don't get the points. And then everyone is crushed and disappointed."