EXAM DIARY:English is not the worst paper to begin with, but we are all living on the edge, writes JESSICA LEEN

OH MY God! How come today is circled with that big scary-looking red pen? Is this some kind of nightmare?

Those who have reached “the other side of the Leaving” (right now that seems like some sort of nirvana) say that they are forever haunted by this day in their dreams.

They say that every time they feel the dread of job interview, a driving test, a tooth extraction or a tax audit, they start dreaming about the exact scenario that I am living now. That we are all living now, readers.

The thought that I may keep returning to this queasy moment over and over for as long as I live is not helping one bit. I’ve had a stroke of genius, though.

I’m preparing sugar and butter sandwiches and listening to A Cue Stick, my favourite band, on YouTube and trying to think of other heavenly activities that I can indulge myself in so that when I return to this nightmare in the years to come, at least the music, menu and general vibe will be worth returning to.

People ask me how it feels to be “on the edge of the Leaving Cert”, and I actually think that the question itself captures the feeling perfectly. We are all on edge.

That said, English is not the worst exam to be starting with.

It’s probably the only paper on the whole Leaving Certificate course that allows us to think in some way logically and to portray some element of personality over a silent three hours or so.

The first English paper saw supervisors giving me dirty looks during the first day of the mocks – or the “pres” as we call them down here – back in February, when I opened the paper before we were actually allowed to and waved it in the air whisper-shouting: “It’s Frank McNally!”

My study break ritual of tea and cake alongside An Irishman's Diarypaid off pretty well.

However, writing for The Irish Times(don't you know) has put me in the hands of some very strict subeditors, who have been taking me to task on my apostrophe use.

I thought I was perfect!

I hope that the Leaving Cert examiners are not so hard on me. It’s not my fault, I think faster than I write and punctuation is not my style.

Messes with the flow, you know?

The last week of study has been a complete bag of pick and mix. I mean that both literally and metaphorically. Sweets everywhere and subjects for study on automatic shuffle.

Irish poetry in the morning, tea break, a unit of the business book, lunch, maybe check out Learfor a while, see what the old guy is up to these days, dinner and then endless page flicking, a little bit of apostrophe practice – that's a new one – and highlighting of everything until bedtime, when I try in vain to sleep in the neon glow of my notes.

I think Tuesday is the day I’m least looking forward to because unfortunately someone thought that it would be a good idea to stress half the Leaving Cert population out completely by putting Irish paper two on the same day as the business studies paper.

The amount of information to be retained in an “off by heart” manner for both of these subjects would flummox Google, I’m convinced.

But hey c'est la vie– I hope my French teacher is reading this because that's all I know, mais je rigole, naturellement– that's life and it's just an exam.

It doesn’t define us for the rest of our lives or anything, does it? Does it?

So now I’m climbing the stairs for the last time as someone on “this side of the Leaving Cert”.

Here come two weeks of a strange brain fog and when I reach the far shore, I’ll be one of them.

I’m sure that there are disadvantages to being the wrong side of 18 but right now, I can’t think of a single one.

Jessica Leen is a student at Christ King secondary school, Cork