Hell is... having your debs date cancel on the morning of the big day and having to bring your sister... not being invited to a debs (after you've told everyone you're going) because the guy forgot to hire his tux... going to the debs of a school you left the year before because your family moved house, to have everyone ask how the baby was - well that was why you left, wasn't it?
Ultimate ego-shattering my-life-is-over-type hell is asking the girl of your dreams to your debs, having her refuse to dance all night because she has a sore ankle, then watching her waltz off at the end of the night with some other guy. It's your party and you'll cry if you want to.
The litany of debs disasters goes on, and on, but these sad-but-true stories of young dreams dashed are largely a legacy of the past. Today's debutantes are a slicker, more savvy breed. Their organisational skills are phenomenal, from booking the hotel to organising the post-debs party, from limo hire to the multitude of sartorial considerations, everything is meticulously planned and nothing is left to chance.
"Kids are far more clued in and confident about the whole thing now," says Melanie Morris, editor of D'side magazine. "Everything is planned - right down to the underwear."
The type of event teenagers want has changed and the updated version has taken on something of a transatlantic twist. "It's very much the high school graduation, taken from the American grad model, with the kids collecting each other in limos."
The attitude and atmosphere has also changed, says Morris. Debs are becoming events geared specifically towards teenagers, rather than a junior version of an adult dress dance.
"It's no longer just a dinner dance. Girls don't really go for the big, puffy ballgowns - nowadays they wear fashion dresses. In the 1980s, the height of sophistication was to go to Jurys' coffee dock at the end of the night - now they go clubbing afterwards, or often the hotel has a night-long programme for them."
The hotels themselves have changed their approach to the debs. "Hotels are more savvy about the whole thing. At a particular time in the night, they'll change over to plastic pint glasses and they'll also hire major security to make sure everything goes smoothly," says Morris.
The hotel is the main event. Some schools have presentations or receptions at the school first, but the hotel is where things get going and it's the effort put in by the hotel that will make or break the night. Not all hotels welcome young debutantes; some say they're just not equipped to supervise large groups of young people . Others says it's become hotel policy, hinting at previous unsavoury experiences with less-than-demure debutantes. The most common reason given, however, is they don't do a "debs package".
Usually it's the same hotels that specialise in the debs "season" each autumn. Often they have relationships with particular schools which go back years. The attraction of these particular hotels is they offer tailor-made debs packages.
"We run an organised package for each school," says William Dunne, manager of the Killiney Court Hotel, Co Dublin.
"The evening starts early with a drinks reception with parents and often the teachers. Then there's usually a presentation of awards. The cost of the ticket also covers a five-course meal, a live band until 2 a.m. followed by a DJ until 5.30 a.m. There's a bar until 11.30 or 12 midnight and minerals and coffee until 5.45 a.m. We serve them a full breakfast at six and then send them off to the DART, which starts at 6 a.m."
Providing an all-night event gives the guests value for money (it's usually about £20 per ticket) and gives their parents the peace of mind, as they know where their offspring are, says Dunne.
Parental involvement is an essential part of the Killiney Court package, says Dunne. In fact, the hotel will only accept a booking if there are adults involved on the debs committee and they stay until the meal is over - at least. The hotel also insists every guest is over 18 and has full ID, he says.
Hotels well known for their debs packages often get bookings from fairly far afield. The Red Cow Inn on the Naas Road in Dublin is playing host to schools from Mullingar, Wexford and Offaly this year. As part of its package, the Red Cow provides buses to collect the students from their school. "The buses get them here for about 8 p.m. The meal is at 9 p.m. and there are bands until 12.15 a.m. There's a karaoke until 2 a.m. - then they have our nightclub to themselves," manager Robbie Bailey says.
Although the Red Cow Inn has a wide catchment area, it doesn't extend to local schools, Bailey says. "We don't take local schools, because we've had trouble with them before. Usually, it's because their friends from the area, who aren't part of the debs, try to get in and we've had lads with a few pints on them giving hassle to the bouncers."
Whatever might come their way on the night, in terms of preparation for their debs, the guys have it easy. As long as they can get it together to organise their tux three to four weeks in advance, that's pretty much their job done. They might stretch to buying a pair of dress shoes, but often they reckon their school shoes will do.
For the girls it's a bigger deal. For some, it's looked on as a mini wedding. There's the dress, the shoes, the bag. Then they have to consider what to put on over the dress, a matching wrap or a coat? The dress itself presents further options. You could hire the dress for about £85, or buy off the peg for anything between £60 and £400. If you want the dress made, you could pay from £40 to £300 and a lot more, depending on whether you're bringing a pattern and material to a dressmaker or getting an exclusive creation made by a dress designer.
Group marketing manager of Arnotts, Eddie Shanahan says the big fussy ballgown has had its day and girls are looking for clothes that express their own style. "There's a move towards a more individual approach. It depends on the event and the school, but in general they're going for younger, funkier dresses."
Accessories, especially shoes, are now equally as important as the dress, he says. "The emphasis is on a total look. A huge shawl over a plain dress can give you a really dramatic, personalised look. The important thing is not to look like a meringue on wheels."
Girls' debs preparation as don't end there. There's also hair and make-up to consider. While some people might go for the DIY approach, the trend is to get the professionals in for at least some of the job.
"The majority coming in will get their make-up done and more are getting the nails done too," says Cl∅ona O'Sullivan, make-up artist with Blue Eriu in Dublin. "The usually come in with their hair already done and they'll probably know exactly what they're looking for and they're willing to spend about £20. Some will bring in a clipping of the dress and get you to match the colour. You wouldn't fathom how much trouble they go to when you see them crawling round the city at 8 a.m. the next morning."
If you're going to all that trouble to get dressed up, you'll want to arrive in style and that means a limo, preferably stretch.
"If I had another 40 cars I still couldn't handle the demand," Ruair∅ Devlin of Metro Chauffeur Service says. "The big thing at the moment is the white American limousine, but they're all booked out for this year."
Limo hire prices start at about £200, just to be brought to the hotel. No one really minds what they get home in, but they know exactly what they want to arrive in. Limos aren't just the preserve of the rich, says Devlin. Often three couples share the car to reduce the price. "They book well in advance and come in every week to pay £10 off," he says.
Most people will have started their debs preparations early in the summer and will have their limo booked and their dress acquired some months in advance of the night. The flowers and the fake tan are the sort of things that can be organised in the last week or so, after that you just have to get ready to have a good time.
Well, that's that's all the majority have to do, but unless you got all dressed up for a disco in the school hall, someone had to organise the hotel and the photographer, look after fairly large amounts of money and, the biggest headache of all, make sure everyone coughs up.
These good people are the ones who join the debs committee. Rachel Lowry was on the debs committee at Fingal Community College, Swords, Co Dublin, this year. "There were nine of us students organising the debs for 142 people," she says.
"We started last October trying to find the right place. A lot of hotels wanted between two and four adults to take responsibility, but we felt that would be unfair on the parents." Eventually they settled on the Red Cow Inn, which likes parent or teacher involvement, but doesn't insist on it. Although the hotel provides a bus, most students went for limos, including O'Sullivan. However, she says she made he savings in other areas. "I got my dress made for £40 and the material for £62, so that was fairly good and I just did my hair, make-up, nails and fake tan at home," she says.
You might think she got away without spending very much at all, but you'd be wrong.
"I spent somewhere between £350 and £400. The little things really add up. There's shoes and jewellery and a bag and it all has to match your dress and then there's the money you need to bring out with you. You always need more than you think."
