Many Irish Adults suffer from low self-esteem, fostered by the kind of child-rearing practices that squashed children, put them down, made sure they wouldn't get big heads.

Many of us know at first hand how low self-esteem robs pleasure in achievement, so that, often, even the good things in life look bad.

Which is why we're eager to give our own children a better head start. But what if it becomes obvious to you that your seven-year-old is a playground pushover? That your 10year-old is over-sensitive, over-anxious or inclined to think poorly of himself? How do you distinguish between normal teenage angst and the kind of crippling self-doubt that might create long-term problems?

Andrew Conway, senior child psychologist at the Mater Child Guidance Clinic in Dublin, says parents are right to be concerned. Like other experts, he believes that being aware and alert to how children are coping is the first step: parents who aren't aware of their children's problems can't help them to solve them. Carmel McAuliffe, a research psychologist with the National Suicide Research Foundation, agrees. Having parents who are concerned immediately puts children into a better-protected situation.

However, by itself, that won't make problems go away. There is no room for parents blaming themselves, but most of us are aware of our critical role in the first years of a child's life in creating that inner conviction of self-worth that is self-esteem.

"Self-esteem does come from many sources - from parents, teachers, peer group, but most importantly, ourselves," Conway says. "But it is founded primarily on our parents' view of us."

He likens it to a tank of petrol: "When we're born, we all have an empty tank labelled `self-esteem'. By the time you're an adult, you need a full tank. Every time someone praises, encourages or rewards you, you get a cupful or so of self-esteem. Of course you'll lose some on the way - but some people's tanks are empty by the time they're 12, and then they're in trouble. Each time you cuddle or smile at your child, you're making them feel valued."

If as a parent you're wondering if you are doing something wrong, he suggests you analyse a typical day in detail: see how many negative messages you might be giving your children, messages that drain their self-esteem. There are also "sins of omission" - if you simply fail to comment, to notice, to praise children, they won't feel valued. Part of the problem is, of course, that all children are different, and "we'll always have a small number, a vulnerable 10 per cent or so, who have greater difficulty accepting themselves."

What happens to a child outside the home will affect his self-esteem too, McAuliffe says. "Many children have high self-esteem in one area - perhaps they're good at school - but are quite different in an area like sport, say, or making friends. If parents feels a child is evaluating him or herself poorly, they might ask themselves: are they putting conditions on how a child defines success?"

Parents need to help children find an area they can be good at and to value it. "For example, social competence is undervalued in our schools - when, often, `people skills' will see a child through life and should be valued."

And though our education system is now teaching children life-skills through programmes like SPHE (Social, Personal and Health Education) and RSE (Relationships and Sexuality Education), its generally narrow focus has created problems for many children. High achievers find that they're under pressure - from themselves, parents and teachers - to achieve ever higher standards. Low achievers aren't even at the points race.

The success-and-money ethic of the Celtic Tiger has created new stresses, and many children put pressure on themselves - even if their parents don't, says Conway.

Your real worries will probably begin as a child reaches puberty. From the age of 11 or so onwards, it's perfectly common for children to be self-conscious and anxious about their looks, their friends, their popularity.

Valerie McLoughlin of Parentline says its helpline gets lots of calls from parents of children in first year of second-level school, who have difficulty coping, difficulty "clicking" with friends.

"Most parents do try hard, do say and do all the right things. But kids have their own personality, they say: `It's only my mother, she has to say I'm beautiful'. I'd just say hang in, their self-esteem will bounce back."

McAuliffe agrees. "It's part of maturing to suffer from some bouts of low self-esteem - if children are trying out new things, they'll struggle. The time to worry is if a child stops making an effort at school, or stops going out with friends. If this behaviour was marked over a two-week period, I'd go and consult someone."

Children, like adults, can of course continue to function even if they suffer from low self-esteem. But most of us want our children to be happy, and many of us fear where low self-esteem may bring them. Drink and drug problems and eating disorders spring rapidly to most parents' minds. Then there's depression - and suicide.

Says McAuliffe: "There has been a genuine increase in self-harming behaviour - `parasuicide' - over the past 20 years. And in the past five years, the number of suicides amongst young men aged 15 to 24 has increased by 50 per cent, so that now it's the second most common form of death for young men after road-traffic accidents."

It may seem paradoxical that this is the case in an age when we are more sensitive than ever to children's needs - but the statistics tell their own grim story. McAuliffe emphasises that only a small number of people who suffer from low self-esteem go on to self-harm. But the fact is that people with low self-esteem are setting themselves up for depression, according to Conway - and, potentially, for suicide attempts. It's not meant to frighten you - but it does concentrate a parent's mind.

Parentline can be contacted at (01) 8733500.