Decisions. Decisions. Cork or Malahide? Labour or PDs? Bermuda shorts or a nice pair of slacks for Team Irish Times at the Ryder Cup? In the end, it had to be Cork, and the Labour Party. (The golf rig-outs require further thought.). Miriam Lord writes from Cork.
For starters, everyone is sick of the sight of Michael McDowell. So Labour's special parliamentary party meeting yesterday provided the perfect opportunity to undergo a McDowell Detox.
Unlike the gluttons for punishment at the PDs meeting in Malahide, there was no requirement for observers in Cork to look, listen and marvel at the Minister for Justice. Yet again. Nor was there any possibility of anyone suffering the effects of going cold turkey, as the new PD leader was one of the main talking points.
Bertie Ahern must be delighted with his new Tánaiste - the bogeyman of his Government. The longer the Opposition keeps attacking McDowell, the longer they aren't bothering nice Bertie.
The atmosphere in Cork among the socialists was calm, bordering on the soporific. There was a buzz around at the recent Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael think-ins. The same can't be said for Labour's staid event. But then, when you know you are always right, it's a heavy burden to carry.
Then there's the prospect of their impending nuptials to Fine Gael. Nothing like a wedding to concentrate the mind, and not everyone in the Labour family is impressed by the union.
This doesn't worry party leader Rabbitte, who points out that he can't remember any time in the history of the Labour Party when there was unanimity on an issue. However, when it comes to him settling down to coalition bliss with Enda Kenny "there has never been such overwhelming, clear and committed support".
They further cemented their political relationship last evening, when Enda was introduced by Pat to his Labour family. Last week in Sligo, deputy Kenny took deputy Rabbitte to meet his folks. It all passed off fairly jovially, although the Labour response appeared somewhat more reserved.
It seems the political couple's commitment to each other is causing jealousy across the floor of the Dáil. In public, says Pat, Bertie Ahern and Michael McDowell continue to suggest that Labour in government would wreck the country. "Yet they're falling over themselves to get Labour into bed with them." But the chaste deputy Rabbitte is a strong supporter of pre-election monogamy. Nobody can take him away from Enda Kenny. They have "embarked on a mission". Meanwhile, according to Enda, "the PDs have now wedded themselves to the Government". Not only that, but "they have made their choice to lie in bed with the Government, and they have to face the consequences of that". He's all for pre-election monogamy too.
Both men may not be so high-minded after the votes are cast. "Will all bets be off after the election?" Enda was asked last night. "That's a hypothetical question," he replied, fiddling with his wedding ring.
But for the moment, all is sweetness and light. Even Mayo's defeat in the All-Ireland final failed to dampen Pet and Inda's ardour. Pat waited patiently on the steps of the Silver Springs Hotel for Enda to arrive, smoothing his hair down and straightening his tie. When deputy Kenny leapt from his car, the two greeted each other heartily.
"How's the Mayo people!" shouted Enda.
"How's the mood!" retorted Pat.
A gesture was required. Enda lunged, and for one awful moment, we thought he was going to kiss Pat. But at the last second, he swerved around a relieved Rabbitte and planted a smacker on deputy Breda Moynihan-Cronin.
Then both men sat together for the wedding photos, before walking up and down the foyer so some more could be taken. Not all Labour deputies were on hand to enjoy this happy moment.
"Nobody told us," harrumphed a less than impressed deputy.
As Ireland's happiest new political couple posed for the cameras, we suddenly thought of Charles and Di, and the day they announced their engagement to a swooning world. And we looked at eager, optimistic Enda, standing on the brink of a new dawn.
His political intended, Pat, beside him, gazing stoically into the distance. Blonde, blue-eyed, demure Enda. Greying, bespectacled, gruff Pat.
And fast forward to next summer. It's the day after the night Pat runs off with Bertie. Enda gives an emotional interview.
"There were three people in this marriage from the start," murmurs the Fine Gael leader, head bowed, sad blue eyes looking up through a fringe of blonde hair.