Surreal. There's that word again. Hey, isn't that Bianca Jagger crossing the lobby? And look - that chap with the thin patch on top and the blonde. Can't be Roger Moore, can it? And oh lord - what is that awful caterwauling? Vanessa Redgrave. Singing. As if the poor children of Stenkovec haven't suffered enough, muttered someone predictably. And here, remind me, is this Tibet or was that Richard Gere under that baseball hat?
Yup, the traumatised refugees baking in the camps of Macedonia have seen them all. Elizabeth Dole, wife of Bob Dole, and Queen Noor of Jordan came calling in the early days. The Finnish delegation couldn't get out to Brazde last Monday, because the President of Italy had practically closed the country down for several hours for his photo opportunity with the Italian airlift. Macedonians clucked as the President of Slovenia stopped traffic a couple of days later. And that was just before - or was it after? - the slew of Mercedes, BMWs and Audis bearing the German Interior Minister, Otto Schily, squealed into Stenkovec II.
Tony and Cherie Blair have become the stuff of legend - he for closing the crucial eight-mile route from Skopje to Blace (which includes two huge camps and the main border crossing) for an hour; she being the butt of an ongoing debate as to whether those were really tears or vulgar sweat.
The French Prime Minister, Lionel Jospin, came to call on the same day as 21 US legislators. Though his 15-car convoy virtually collided with a less impressive turn-out for the Canadian Foreign Minister hurtling the other way, the Canadian brought more money in his - $35 million compared to a $8 million from France. At least four US congressional delegations have trooped through . . . It goes on and on. With all these security details, it's no wonder the government here is complaining about running out of money.
Yesterday, however, the mammy of them all came calling. Looking sharp in a tailored black suit, crisp white shirt and shades, Hillary Clinton landed at Stenkovec I refugee camp, armed with sympathetic smiles and serious promises.
The entourage struck just the right note. She arrived, not in the usual convoy of shiny limousines, but in a few Suburban jeeps. And despite the fact that the visit ended well before the two hours scheduled, it seemed respectful and unhurried.
The refugee with whom she lingered longest, Fetie Pronaj, a 42-year-old mother of six, described how she and several of her children were separated as the Serbs harried them onto a train at Pristina. Six weeks later, three of them are still missing, presumably in Kosovo - 13-year-old Fatime, 11-year-old Sami and eight-year-old Lavdim. Her husband is a KLA man and is uncontactable.
When Mrs Clinton made her way to the media corral shortly after, surrounded by excited young refugees chanting "NATO, NATO" and "UCK", she told Fetie's story, in dramatic and moving words. "Think about those trains," she said, comparing the ethnic Albanians' flight to the films Schindler's List and Sophie's Choice (where a mother is forced by Nazis to choose between her two children). "Think what it means to be driving people from their homes, separating families, loading them onto trains, at the end of this violent century that we should have learned something from."
Fetie had done the best she could with what she had to greet the First Lady: donned her best gold necklace and earrings for the occasion; slipped on a loose, green top with an ill-matching pair of tracksuit bottoms and dusty worn sandals. But within minutes of her famous "guest's" departure, all she wanted to borrow was a mobile phone to make a call. (The dearth of camp phones means a three-hour queue for three minutes talking time). Her eyes filled as the voice at the other end told her there was no news - again - upon which a wizened old woman emerged from several tents away to tell her basically to buck up and stop crying while there were journalists around.
Did she mind being questioned by us? "Oh no, I want to speak to journalists," she answered. "Maybe, somehow through one of your papers, my children will find me . . ."
So did Hillary Clinton offer hope? Oh yes, indeed.
When she promised Fetie and others repeatedly that they would all be together with their familes and back in Kosovo, they believed her wholeheartedly. "She tells the truth," said Fetie's cousin. "America has helped us before and this time they will help us too".
But the truth is that for all of the people interviewed, this was the best thing to happen to them since they landed here. So far, they have no sense of being used as a backdrop for someone else's photo opportunity. And so what if they are? Most of them are savvy enough to see that it helps the cause and cheers them up.
Unlike them, the rest of us have the luxury of being able to scoff. How we laughed at Richard Gere's earnest request to be allowed to spend a night at the Cegrane refugee camp. "Oh, yes, indeed, Mr Gere, we'll just fling one of these poor, traumatised families out in the rain so you can have a tent . . ." we mocked.
But to be fair, he spent six days in Macedonia, unlike Tony's or Hillary's few hours. "You can't do it in one day . . . or two days", he said . "I'm in my sixth day and I'm barely scratching the surface." (He spent two of those six days at a lakeside resort about 100 miles from here but he still made all the big news shows and pushed the cause.)
Bianca Jagger is no Jill-come-lately. She was in Bosnia six or seven years ago, has spoken to many refugees here and done her homework. She acknowledged that photo opportunities were an integral part of her round. "Absolutely. But it is important to remind celebrities not to come for only a few hours, without going to talk to the refugees and getting a profound assessment of what is going on . . . Then they could become real advocates".
Roger Moore left his cigarillo at the bar to grace us with his relaxed, urbane presence. He has been here since Wednesday as a goodwill ambassador for UNICEF. So was this all in aid of the image? "My image is getting rather old and frayed round the edges. I don't think I have to worry about my image", he said coolly. "I've been with
For the first three weeks, the papers were full of this tragedy, he said. "Then it began to slip back to page 2, then 3, then 4 - to the point where the front pages now are worrying about what cleavage is being shown in Cannes. And if we can get it back on the front pages, then that's why we're here . . ."