The Last Straw: Am I the only one alarmed by the news that the Government has appointed a committee to look after the "traditional arts", including music? According to our report on Wednesday, the move has been welcomed by musicians, writes Frank McNally:
But for an art form that has thrived on decades of neglect, surely official support is the road to ruin? It's only a matter of time before traditional music becomes dependent on exchequer funding. And next thing you know, the Government will be hiring consultants to identify possible cost-efficiencies. This will be followed by a Hanly Report on regional fiddle-playing styles, recommending the merger of east and west Clare, and the downgrading of the Sligo style (with only an emergency service at weekends) in favour of establishing a centre of excellence in Roscommon.
Then there'll be the inevitable elections to the Dáil of regional fiddle candidates. At a rally in Nenagh, the minister for defence will provocatively play Old Hag, You Have Killed Me in a north Tipperary style, while his pro-reform colleagues complain that he has changed his tune, literally and metaphorically, since the last cabinet meeting.
OK, this is a doomsday scenario. Maybe the only real risk of official recognition is that traditional music will become respectable. But I surely don't need to spell out the dangers of this. Wednesday's article provided a fine example of how traditional music triumphed in adversity, in guitarist Steve Cooney's description of an experience at a function in Dublin Castle some years ago, when the audience was wined and dined but the musicians, despite working for "11 hours", were denied even water.
"In the seat of the State, Dublin Castle, respect for traditional music had fallen so low that musicians were officially refused drink and food," recounted Cooney, who seemed to think this was a bad thing. And all right, 11 hours without water is probably a human rights issue. But before traditional music becomes seduced by respectability, with its smooth-talking ways and expensive clothes, it might consider the fate of classical music, which has long been cursed with high social standing and official acceptance.
For one thing, there's the coughing. Science cannot explain this, but it's a well-established fact that the stultifying atmosphere in which classical concerts take place causes high levels of respiratory illness, resulting in compulsive coughing among audiences.
For another thing, I see the British Musicians Union is up in arms over a proposal to downsize the orchestra in the West End production of Les Misérables, replacing 13 musicians with an electronic sound system called "Sinfonia". The union is threatening to "fight to the death" (I fear they've been watching Les Mis too long) to avoid this. But the very fact that live musicians can be replaced with a "virtual orchestra" is a consequence of classical music's rigid orthodoxy, in which everybody is taught to play the same way.
Imagine a symphony orchestra composed of traditional musicians! What with the lilting west Clare style, and the slower, more melancholy east Clare one - just to mention one small corner of the violin section - they'd never finish a tune together.
Another disturbing development for classical music is the success of last weekend's BBC broadcast of 4' 33", John Cage's "seminal" silent work in three movements, in which the only sound made by musicians is in turning the pages of the "music".
Obviously, professional BBC musicians had to be hired to do this. But how long can it be before Bill Gates invents a computer programme capable of mimicking the sound of professional page-turning? More worryingly, for classical music, there have already been letters to newspapers from silence-lovers calling for Cage's piece to be developed into a full-length symphony, and played in shops and pubs. The fact is, silence is music's chief competitor, and for the BBC Philharmonic to play four minutes of it on live radio is surely a case of shooting itself in the foot.
Talk about the GAA allowing soccer in Croke Park! My general point is that classical music has gone soft from too much respect, and is now entering a decadent, perhaps final, phase. Traditional music must avoid this fate. Even as it stands, the music faces its biggest challenge in coming months, with the ban on smoking. I support the ban, personally, but I would be concerned about its effects on a music that has evolved for centuries in smoke-filled public houses.
Played in a post-ban pub, The Lark in the Clear Air will take on a new resonance. Perhaps literally! And my big worry for traditional music sessions would be that, with the combination of official encouragement and the smoke-free ambience of a concert hall, the audiences will soon be coughing.