It sounded like the tragic sequel to Babe and Pig In The City, but when Bacon III opened to a packed house at Government Buildings yesterday it was quickly obvious this was not light entertainment.
The latest episode of the Government's epic housing series again stars Dr Peter Bacon, an urbane, sharp-suited economist who looks more like James Bond than a pig who thinks he's a sheepdog.
And although Government housing reports differ from film sequels in that, while the latter are attempts to cash in on success, the former are attempts to atone for failure, the economist was unabashed. The success of Bacon I and II may have been, well, streaky, but he wasn't apologising.
The opening sentence of his report explained in economists' language why Bacon III was deemed necessary. "Adjustment of the housing market to sustainable balance is being pursued against an increasingly dynamic context," it said, a coy admission that the earlier reports had underestimated the economic boom.
But Dr Bacon resorted to plain language when he insisted that his master-plan was working. Displaying a chart that showed the rate of housing-price increases had been halved over the past two years, he offered the confusing message that the "dramatic deceleration" was proof that "things have not been slow to happen". Then, for the benefit of those who wanted the deceleration speeded up (as it were), he cautioned: "If you're travelling in a car at 80 m.p.h., it's nice to slow down before you stop." If this really were a film sequel, clearly, the crazed housing market would be played by Dennis Hopper and Dr Bacon would be the hero at the steering wheel, trying to control the deceleration so the whole thing doesn't blow.
Sitting alongside the Minister of State with responsibility for housing, Bobby Molloy, and the Taoiseach, Dr Bacon outlined the specific measures in the new report, including a tax on property speculation, stamp duty relief for first-time buyers and the "fast-tracking" of house provision.
The plan's "supply response strategy" met the test of the three Cs, "credibility, clarity and certainty", he said. And at the third attempt, the three Bs, Bertie, Bobby and Bacon, must be hoping that they've got it right.
They were joined yesterday by the Minister for the Environment, Mr Dempsey, who spoke of the need to attract construction professionals from abroad to help us with all the fast-tracking. The UK, Denmark, Germany, France and eastern Europe were among the places we'd be trawling, he told us. And the thought of such an influx of building workers caused one wag in the hall to wonder: "Where will they live?"
