Has anyone else noticed the craze among business people for growing things? It started with managers outlining plans to "grow" their export markets, or whatever. But in what has become typical of the phenomenon, Denis O'Brien was boasting this week of his proven ability to "grow" a telecommunications company. And in the most notorious example to date, Aer Rianta is running radio ads about "growing a better Dublin Airport", no less.
There is nothing illegal about growing an airport - unlike, say, growing a cannabis plant. But the phrase does appear to constitute an offence against the language, at least. I've consulted the authorities (including the Oxford English Dictionary), however, and it seems nothing can be done about the issue. Growing an airport is at most a misdemeanour, apparently, and prosecution would be difficult.
The problem in this case is the nature of the verb, which has a wide range of applications, both transitive and intransitive. You'll remember from school that a transitive verb is one that takes a direct object, expressed or understood, whereas an intransitive verb does not. (Indeed, according to many architectural critics, the current development of Dublin Airport has no discernible object, expressed or understood, either. But that's a separate point.) The uses of "grow" are legion. You may grow tulips, for example, and in the process you may grow spiritually. Or you might decide to become self-sufficient by growing your own vegetables; but you might also grow hungry waiting for the damn things to sprout.
Your neighbour - also a keen gardener - could be growing interested in the area of composting, in which case there's a good chance he could also be growing a beard. (This is itself an odd use of the term, insofar as, on most adult males, facial hair grows on its own. It never stops growing, in fact. So old sandal-feet next door may think he's growing a beard, but in reality the only control he had over the process was to stop shaving.) In a different sense of the word, something may be said to "grow" on you: for example, the new Eminem album, or the fungus that causes athlete's foot.
But despite its flexibility, there have traditionally been limits to the use of the g-word. While a progressive farmer might boast, α la Aer Rianta, of "growing a better turnip", I've never heard one claim to be growing a pig, even a basic one. Equally, a farmer might have a cow - especially if he was a fan of The Simpsons, with a bad temper - but he wouldn't claim to be growing the cow, in either case.
Clearly, something needed to be done about Dublin Airport, and if growing it was the only answer, who am I to scoff? Indeed, I see on the Aer Rianta website that "6.5 million passengers were handled" there in the first six months of the year. If this shock news is true, the company has worse problems than increased traffic. But the increased traffic is problem enough, God knows.
Here at The Irish Times, we know what it's like to have to keep pace with the economic boom. You won't have noticed it from the seamless appearance of the newspaper in recent weeks, but the premises is undergoing a transformation almost as profound as Dublin Airport's at the moment. And because a daily paper, like an airport, only shuts down for a few hours a day, the newsroom is having to be reconstructed around us as we work.
In fact, a newsroom functions very like an airport. There are numerous stories "up in the air" at any given time, some originating in glamorous faraway places, others just small feeder operations from the provinces. They can range from large, luxury features with all the latest adjectives to no-frills services, where only the most basic grammar is supplied. But the newsdesk has to deal with them all, tracking their positions constantly and bringing them in safe.
Scheduling is a daily headache, and despite everybody's best efforts there will be delays. But try telling that to the sub-editors, as they wait in the arrivals area with anxious faces and white sheets of paper bearing names like "page six". Listen to their groans in response to the muffled public address: "The newsdesk regrets it is unable to announce the arrival of the page six lead, which has been delayed due to fog. This service is running approximately 90 minutes late, and is now expected to land at 19.30 hours, possibly on page seven." These daily stresses are even more pronounced when the terminal is undergoing redevelopment. But we're not complaining, because - yes! - we're growing a better newspaper. I'd discuss this longer, but I'm way past deadline already. If it gets any later, my editor may grow a cow.
fmcnally@irish-times.ie
