MindMoves:This being human is a Guest House, every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness
Some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Be grateful for whoever comes
Because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.
(Rumi)
My previous column touched on the inevitability of depression in our lives and how we need to learn to work with our dark moods if we are to survive this precarious adventure we call Life.
Experiences of loss or defeat tell you how vulnerable you really are. Though they cause you grief, they can shine a spotlight on what matters most to you. They may also bring to your attention old wounds that need healing. Yet it's often in the darkest moments of our lives that we find clarity and inner strength.
Depression sets in when you decide there's something wrong with you for feeling this way - when you persist in blaming yourself for being "weak" or "bad" - and when you begin to believe you simply haven't got what it takes to make your life work.
People wrote to me in the past week and wondered why I didn't mention various different physical remedies for depression, eg, exercise, good nutrition, sleep, omega 3 oils, light therapy, antidepressants etc. My intention in writing was not to deny the benefits of these strategies, but depression is such a deeply personal experience, and finding what works best for you in the battle to restore your energy and your will to live can help you to avoid getting stuck in prolonged periods of despair. But if you focus exclusively on "getting rid" of depression you miss out on learning what it may be trying to teach you about your relationship with yourself and others and the choices you have made in the way you have lived your life to date.
For example, your depression may be alerting you to your need to face some hurt that you've never been able to talk about; or to let go some real or imagined guilt that you've been carrying far too long; or maybe you need to reconnect with something in your life that brings your spirit alive. My point was simply that learning to tolerate and appreciate your difficult moods, even when they make you feel you're radically "losing it", may be just what you need if you are to avoid total collapse into severe depression.
Support is crucial in times of confusion and distress. Even one good friend you can open up to can keep you grounded. Their presence and care can hold you up when you are drowning in pain and make it possible for you to connect with your own wisdom and resilience. Conversation with someone who knows you well can reveal doors in the walls that surround you and light your way forward.
Sometimes your angst is telling you that you need rest and sleep. You may be dancing too fast and you need to stop. Or alternatively it may be saying you need more physical activity than you are allowing yourself. Whatever you do, don't do it just to "get rid" of your mood. If you push away your distress or try to run from it, it will only return with greater force and persistence. Take your depression with you as you rest or walk or jog and talk to it as you might to a hurt child. Point out the beauty of your surroundings: the light playing on the water, the lavender that's bloomed in your neighbour's garden, or the smell of newly mown grass. You need to open your heart to whatever is going on inside you, but you also need to open yourself to the many ways that the life surrounding you can help you get through this.
A deliberate break in your daily routine can often help to open your mind and inspire a fresh perspective. Check out Francis Bacon's paintings in the Hugh Lane Gallery - go see what depression really looks like. Take in a play, a poem, a Mahler concert or listen to Eminem. Artists are brave souls who have grappled with dark and complex emotions. Art can bring tremendous comfort as you realise you are neither mad nor alone - that others have struggled with and survived the same painful emotions you may now be feeling.
One of the challenges you face when you become depressed is to update the plot line for your life. Your personal storyline may be too constricted for the territory you've now entered. Your life is a richly textured drama that matches the passion and complexity of War and Peace, but you may be trying to squeeze it into the The Brady Bunch. You're on a hero's journey but you may be thinking you're the Sleeping Beauty lying in wait for the kiss that will make everything better. Getting in touch with the hero inside you will empower you to engage with your distress; continuing to replay the story you have believed until now will only keep you stuck.
You will come through this and when you do, your "recovery" may take you by surprise. The clouds often lift when you least expect it. When you can accept and open yourself to your dark emotions - "Welcome and entertain them all" - as the Rumi poem goes - appreciating that "Each has been sent as a guide from beyond" you may discover something precious that changes forever your relationship with yourself and those whose lives you touch.
Tony Bates is founder director of Headstrong - The National Centre for Youth Mental Health (www.headstrong.ie). Email: tbates@irish-times.ie