You don't need to look beyond the covers of men's health and fitness magazines to peer into the dark recesses of the male psyche. They all appear to believe that men of a certain age are concerned with one thing: flat stomachs.
The latest July/August of Men's Health hollers: "Burn off your belly - last minute tricks that work". Men's Fitness shouts, "Lose your belly - great abs guaranteed in just six weeks". Promises. Promises.
A flatter stomach (and thus a better sex life, naturally) is the main preserve of these magazines month after month after month... If they're not concerned with helping you get "killer abs" or "a grid of steel", like the August issue of the U.S.American glossy Men's Workout, their covers lure readers with "30 ways to keep your hair" and "10 hot sex tactics to drive her wild" (Men's Fitness). Or, "A better body without weights" and "The best sex of your life" (Men's Health).
Men are bombarded with a myriad of tips for a happier, healthier life before they even open the magazine - or, for that matter, buy it. All of these catchlines appear on the covers. So how do these claims measure up?
Judging by the "Summer abs" splashed across page 96 of Men's Fitness, they appear too good to be true. It also looks like the buffed-up model has been exercising for far longer than six weeks. (He's no ugly duckling, either.) No matter how far you are prepared to push yourself, fitness trainers say exercises are difficult to master without the presence of a qualified instructor.
But Men's Fitness certainly tries. It outlines five different workouts for a different areas of your mid-section.
Here's the bad news: you must repeat four of the exercises eight times each and repeat a fifth exercise 16 times. The guy pictured frolicking triumphantly in the surf has obviously had time to recover.
Men's Health takes a more direct approach to burning that belly. "You're running out of time," it cautions. "Soon you'll find yourself next to a pool with no choice but to take off your shirt and show the world what you're made of." The magazine creates an outdoor workout that will get you in shape "in as little as three weeks". This involves mountain biking, kayaking, scuba diving and running on a beach...
Again, the lean, scantily-clad model running along the said beach is a perfect physical specimen. In magazine parlance, he looks like he (a) was hatched from an egg, (b) reads a lot of men's magazines, (c) was born that way, or (d) a combination of all of the above. The beach workout takes 45 minutes. "Running in the sand acts as a great power workout for your legs," Men's Health advises. "Plus, it gives you an opportunity to annihilate the sandcastles."
A large pinch of sea salt is required when reading these magazines, but Graham Doyle, personal trainer at the Iveagh Gym in Dublin, does believe they give good tips on training at home and overall healthy living. He does, however, draw the line at the three-week and six-week goals splashed across the covers.
For a start, he says, it depends on a person's physical condition: "If I was overweight, for example, I'd like to believe it was possible." "It doesn't just happen in six weeks,"," says says Doyle, who himself reads the American-import Muscle Mag for the more serious body builder.
"It takes drastic measures, and a lot of hard work, dedication and lifestyle changes. A gullible per son who's not feeling good about themselves would probably fall for it. If he doesn't look like the man in the magazine after the set time period, he's going to feel short-changed."
There is quality advice in these pages beyond the gloss, but their credibility depends as much on the writers and fact-checkers. As with all magazines, there is a heavy dollop of voyeurism, particularly with Men's Workout. Unlike Men's Health and Men's Fitness, this American magazine has a more hardcore erotic edge, showcasing oiled models in provocative poses, features on Eastern European muscle men and (male) swimsuit photo shoots.
That's not to say all readers aren't interested in muscles (they may just have different reasons).
And despite their repetitive content, they remain popular in an increasingly competitive market.
During 2000, Men's Health - which doesn't carry advertisements for body-building supplements - had a monthly circulation of over more than 235,800 in the UK, giving it a number four spot among British men's lifestyle magazines. Men's Fitness sold around 40,750 copies. (FHM is the best-seller with almost 716,700 copies.) Either way, that's a lot of six-packs.
The, er, bottom line: when you buy a monthly lifestyle magazine, is that you and your fragile ego are buying into an aspiration. You might yearn for a beautiful home (Wallpaper), beautiful girl (FHM) or, in this case, beautiful biceps.
But whether you purchase health and fitness magazines for the exercise advice, sex tips or photographs, if you want that sought-after washboard stomach, you had better stop reading and (you guessed it!) start exercising.