The Bigger Picture: There are a lot of people among us who struggle to show that they care. While this phenomenon is ages old, it continues to persist and affects us all deeply.
It's a struggle of self-esteem and worth with terrible consequences. Most of all, and if allowed to persist, it will likely be the biggest regret of our life.
We often hear poems giving voice to a person on their death bed, looking back over their life, thinking that if they knew then what they know now, they would have worked less, cleaned less, travelled more and read more. Most of all, we are told, they would have relaxed more about themselves.
They would have had more fun and spent more time with their loved ones. They wouldn't have cared so much about what others thought.
It is a wonderful reflection that few of us rarely take on board until we are truly confronted with the loss of a life.
Still, rarely do our lyricists imagine that we would regret not having spent better time with those we loved, and offered more of ourselves to them.
It is our ability to give to our relationships - to be tender, passionate and adoring - that makes all the difference. Most of all, it makes a difference to ourselves.
Not being able to show you care is a very personal struggle. It renders us unable to express affection and extend our love. A variety of internal difficulties can cause it. Numbness, fear, lack of self worth and humiliation name but a few.
Nevertheless, I think one of the biggest culprits is our capacity to be judgmental.
It is not the judging of others that I am concerned with here, although that is a struggle in itself. However, the judgment of others usually stems from a more deep-rooted internal struggle - the judgment of one's self.
The internalisation of judgment - the attack on our self - causes us to shut down and seek refuge in some inner hiding place. From here, the possibility of fully loving interactions with others is simply too far away.
Self-criticism occurs when we are unable to notice how good we really are.
We get stuck looking for reasons to justify feeling bad about ourselves.
Yet, it will always remain the truth that we are remarkable beings.
We will even find that there is plenty of evidence for it in our daily lives, if we'd only bother investing some time and energy discovering it and creating the habit of appreciating it.
Instead, however, most of us are trapped in feeling inadequate. We form an intimate relationship with it, believing it is true about who we are.
We become shut down and defensive. We struggle to be warm and to show that we care.
The impact of this is apparent on those around us who need our love.
Still, the greatest destruction is to our self. We end up with damaged relationships and limited spheres of resources. It leaves us lacking warmth and unable to give of ourselves.
Thus, the consequences to us of not showing our love to others are overwhelming.
The benefits of giving love, on the other hand, are indeed great and much more than those of receiving it.
To give of ourselves is to be sincere. To be sincere is to allow ourselves to be vulnerable. And, to have vulnerability is to be free. We do not breed sincerity out of what we take from others. Rather, we develop it only from the experience of giving.
The greatest impact we can have is when we give of our emotional self. This is much more than any gift of material resource or even physical affection.
Although, physical affection is vital to good health and a fulfilled life, even physical attention - kissed cheeks between strangers, a casual hug lacking in warmth - is nothing unless fuelled by emotional love. It is the intensity of the spirit that moves us profoundly.
It is our own spirit that we must share with others if we are to grow deeply from love.
We must risk to show others we care, particularly if we have been in the habit of holding ourselves back for some time.
It takes a leap of faith that we are good enough people as we are, that others will respond and that we will not be left rejected. Most of all, it gives us the opportunity to be courageous.
For, courage is not something that suddenly arrives because we waited for it a while, or drank some whiskey from the bottom of a shot glass.
It is a decision that is incredibly rewarding, an action that must be taken, and a habit that brings with it wonderful consequences.
When we decide to show others we care, it is our own heart that melts and our own life that is magnificently transformed.
Shalini Sinha has worked as a life coach and counsellor and presents the intercultural programme, Mono, on RTÉ Television. She has a BA in comparative religion and anthropology and MA in women's studies