Being able to help with the grandchildren can be a joyful time, says Sheila Wayman
SEEING TOO much, or too little, of grandchildren is a dilemma facing many grandparents. In young families where both parents are working, the choice can be between minding grandchildren full-time during the week, or seeing them occasionally at weekends, if the parents can squeeze in a visit.
Babysitting is one thing, being a full-time childminder is another. Age Action Ireland's advice to grandparents is to say "no" if they are asked and don't want to do it, but to offer if they do. Communication is what's important, says spokesman Eamon Timmons.
If they "opt in" and mind the grandchildren, they will have little time to themselves; on the other hand, if the children are "farmed out to someone else to mind, they never see them, or maybe for just an hour a week".
Lack of contact between grandparents and grandchildren is resulting in a "complete generation gap'' which leads to problems such as ageism, says Timmons.
"A couple of generations ago, children would have lived with their grandparents, if not in the same house, then in the same street."
This meant children saw ageing at first hand, rather than regarding it as something remote and negative, while at the same time grandparents could easily share their valuable perspective on life.
Jenny Vella (76) not only lives next door to four of her grandchildren in Glenageary, Co Dublin, but also minded them during the week for many years.
She was made redundant when Glengara school, where she was secretary, closed down in 1987. At the time her eldest daughter and son-in-law, who both work full-time, had a one-year-old boy.
"I made a conscious decision that this is what I would do," says Vella. Having worked herself when raising two daughters, she knew what a nightmare it was if a child was ill and there was nobody to mind them.
Three more boys followed in that family, so granny was busy. "I love the children and felt very privileged to be part of their going to school and all that," she says. "But it was nice to hand them back."
The four grandsons, now aged from 22 to 17, still come to her for lunch on Wednesdays if they're around - a throwback to the days when they were in secondary school and had a half-day on Wednesdays.
Meanwhile, Vella's younger daughter now has two boys, aged six and three, and she minds one or other of them on a part-time basis. "I am older now of course, and I find I am pretty patient on the whole, but you don't really have as much patience.
"Over the years," she says, "A lot of people said 'You must be mad. I brought up one family and I certainly would not have anything to do with another one'." Vella does not see it like that. "I am very lucky. So many grandparents don't know their grandchildren at all, and have no relationship with them."