TIME OUT:BULLYING IS intentional, conscious and persistent cruelty against those who are unable to defend themselves. It can happen to any person at any age. As we have discovered in our own society, there is nowhere immune from bullying. From the cradle to the grave, we can bully each other.
Bullying is visible in structural, power and wealth inequalities. It has the potential to distress each new generation of schoolchildren, turning what should be happy days into the most miserable days in young lives. It can hurt those entering the workplace, making what should be sociable life into a daily dread of going to work.
Those feeling vulnerable, disabled or defenceless may be victims of bullying. But so too may those who are strong, sturdy and successful, because it is the nature of bullying that it has a bizarre capacity to psychologically disable even the most capable, confident and resilient. It does so swiftly and efficiently. The casualties of bullying are many. Their complaints are often dismissed until the complainant is seen as the “problem” and comes to believe this.
It does not take much to undermine any of us: a few well-chosen words, a sly glance, a rumour, innuendo or some subtle chipping away at character are all that is required. But the psychological fallout of bullying is extensive, the economic cost is enormous and, despite waves of attention to bullying, it continues as an issue in workplace, home and school.
There is extensive research on bullying, suggesting that it is learned if children are exposed to “might is right” and the “rewards” of bullying. It can become a life-long manner of relating to others, making the lives of those around the bully miserable and teaching a new generation how to bully.
But bullying behaviour is hard to tackle. It is complex because it involves such a range of cruelties designed to intimidate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, physically hurt or cause emotional distress.
Consider the bullying to which your child may be subjected in school: name calling, hitting, pushing and shoving, false tales that take friends away, threats, cyberbullying and the pain of not being part of the group.
In the hierarchical workplace, where fear of being fired makes people afraid to protest, 30-50 per cent of stress-related illness may be caused by bullying and research shows many consider suicide as their only means of escape.
Bullying can be expressed by instructions given in a demeaning manner, disrespectful work evaluation, or through unfair allocation of privileges where opportunities for promotions are allocated, holiday times rostered and lunch hours assigned unjustly. And because in this recession people can’t walk out, they feel trapped, which adds further risk to health, safety, sanity and the self-esteem of employees.
But saddest must be bullying in the home of young children and older dependent parents, who are helpless with no choice about where they live and nobody else to love or to care for them. Bullying in the home can range from outbursts of anger to aggressive assaults, neglect of children, emotional deprivation or the ultimate betrayal – sexual abuse. Sadly, driven by hurt and humiliation, some victims may vent on the next weakest person. Cycles of cruelty are easily created.
It takes a community to facilitate bullies. The indirect violence of silence, of inadequate legislation or its implementation and the need to confront bullying involves us all, so that memories of childhood, the passage through adulthood, happiness in the workplace and contentment in older age are not ruined.
Bullying requires constant confrontation which is why a national conference, C onfronting The Psychological Torture of Bullying in the Workplace, Home and School,is scheduled for Tuesday, September 27th, in Dublin. The conference is designed to provide academic information, practical strategies and an opportunity for a healing process for those who have been bullied. For information, tel: 01-8388888 or e-mail Info@awarenesseducation.orG
Marie Murray is a clinical psychologist. Her most recent book,
When Times are Tough
, is published by Veritas