Second Opinion:Things go wrong. Some people are able to accept this with equanimity and others find it incredibly stressful. When the unexpected happens, they find it hard to cope.
We've all had experiences of personal disasters.
When illness occurs, an appointment gets cancelled or a report is accidentally wiped off the computer, how well do you cope?
When calamity strikes, as inevitably it will, do you respond calmly or does your anxiety level go through the roof?
If you respond well to stress in some situations and are overwhelmed by it in others, don't add self-blame to the pressure you're under.
Accept that you do the best you can with the skills you have.
If you envy people who deal calmly with situations where you would lose your cool, take heart. You can learn the secret of how they manage so well.
You can become proficient in the use of what used to be called "coping strategies" but are nowadays referred to as "soft skills".
With a little effort you can learn to let go of your old habits and develop new ways of behaving that will change how you feel, act and think.
Friends who know me today can't believe that I was once a contender for the title of the most panicked woman in the State.
It took a mini-crisis to teach me that I was headed for disaster if I did not learn better ways of coping.
One Friday morning I was due to pick up a colleague at 9.30am and drive to a 10am meeting.
At 9.15am I dashed out of the shower and found my bedroom door locked. I panicked.
Wrapped in a towel, my hair dripping wet I yelled: "Do something, I've got to get dressed. I'm going to be late."
My daughter asked: "How can I help?" I shouted at her: "Panic with me."
Fortunately she didn't.
She stayed calm, assessed the problem and found a simple solution. With a screwdriver she took off the lock and opened the door.
That mini-crisis probably lasted less than five minutes but the lesson I learned will last me a lifetime.
My response to being late and letting someone down was out of all proportion to the seriousness of that situation.
My body went numb with a cold fear that felt like a tight knot in my stomach. My brain felt paralysed.
I was so uptight I couldn't function.
For those few minutes I was so overwhelmed that I stood there totally bereft of the ability to cope.
That wake-up call taught me one vital life lesson. When stress notches up to panic you become blind to the obvious.
Many of us know when our stress levels are going through the ceiling but we fail to take action.
Don't wait for a major crisis such as a heart attack or an acute panic attack.
If you're working too hard and over-committed, you need coping skills that will help lower the pressure.
Know that you have the ability to recognise when you react negatively to pressure and the skills to change your response.
When you're in situations where you feel helpless and recognise you have no control, stop.
Let go of the struggle.
Learn to accept what you cannot change and 95 per cent of the stress in your life will be eliminated.
Become aware that when you are feeling nervous tension, your body is giving you a message.
Pay attention to the bodily communication that gives you feedback about your mental health.
Nervous tension can act like a positive energy, an adrenalin boost that fires you up to give of your best.
However, it can also create levels of anxiety that have you wound up so tightly that you almost vibrate with the negative energy.
Some people thrive on the stresses that make others ill. They're energised by self-generated crises that bring drama to their lives.
Stress and equanimity give us useful feedback on our coping skills. One is not better than the other.
We need to experience all our feelings, to foster the emotionally healthy outlook that nurtures the belief that we will cope elegantly with whatever life brings.
Carmel Wynne is author of Coaching - The Key to Unlocking Your Potential, a life skills and business coach and psychotherapist.
www.carmelwynne.org