The Bigger Picture:We are all born creative. For me, this is an idea I've had to have faith in as it's been difficult for me to see it in myself. I've never felt the power of great creativity coming through me.
It took me a long time to even acknowledge I could write, let alone recognise it was a form of creativity. Drawing, painting and sculpting, on the other hand, have always been things I believed I couldn't do.
Those who know me know I don't see limits as either defining or permanent things. In my world, the joys of life come from experiences of learning, change, new insights and growth. Thus, when presented with a chance to be mentored by a professional artist and learn to draw and paint with a view to creating a painting to be auctioned for the Children in Need telethon, I was not about to let it go.
With it, I've embarked on a personal journey to see if I can recover a fundamental aspect of the human spirit - one that has been shut down for me for the majority of my life. In doing so, I get the opportunity to support some of the most important people in society: our children, particularly those in need.
Art, and ourselves as artists, is an important expression of who we are. It deserves to be recovered and nurtured in each of us. This is an aspect of humanity that engages our emotions and involves responses, interactions and new communications of beauty.
As I have begun to follow this journey, I have noticed a few things about our basic instinct for creativity, and where mine might have gotten damaged.
When I was young, the world around me frightened me. I was laughed at and jeered for being who I was and looking as I did. It caused me to be careful about if and how I showed myself. I began to dress and behave as though I was invisible.
Not only did I receive a message from many of my peers that I was unwanted, but I began to not want myself.
Terror is unattractive. Not only is it something you don't want to see in yourself, you cannot imagine anyone else being interested in it either. If fear is what's going on in your head, and it hijacks your ability to express yourself, then it's difficult to imagine why you would want to be creative at all.
Growing up, I never felt beautiful. I never got the chance. The idea, then, that I would try to express and create beauty in the world in the form of art - when the well of beauty within me had been leaked - understandably made no sense. Not only would the exercise involve walking me up against a painful wound, the fear that a
lack of skill in drawing would confirm a lack of beauty within me was enough to stop me from doing it.
When I was younger, there was nowhere for me to go with these feelings but to get stuck in or avoid them.
Today, however, I know and use a tool to heal emotions, and can make a decision to deal with them and let them go.
There's beauty in my head. There must be. That has to be the essence of who I am, of humanity and the source of our creativity within us. If I have the possibility of recovering this expression of myself, there's no point in clinging to those hurts and keeping me small.
Just as there is a connection between creativity and self-esteem, I can see a connection between being able to make physical art and how you feel about your body. I notice that young artists "rebel" to "be themselves".
Indeed, the bottom line in our ability to make art must be a clarity about who we are. Maybe that's why so many artists seem to play around with their appearance: if your art is a physical expression of yourself, then it makes sense it's also expressed in your physical self.
Interestingly, I can already see how recovering my creativity in visual art is positively affecting my health. Just as creating beauty takes stress away from the mind, letting myself relax and let go to create that beauty takes stress away from my body.
Indeed, making visual art is physical: you get to use the movements of your body to create the impressions and feelings you wish to express.
My mentor in this project is Philip French. He describes himself as a "colourist", uses watercolour and oil, and has a gallery in Kinsale.
My fellow novices are Eamonn Coghlan (world record-breaking runner) mentored by artist Shane Sutton and Glenda Gilson (model and television presenter) mentored by artist Jim Fitzpatrick. This project is featured on the Afternoon Show on RTÉ One, and you can see how I'm doing on tomorrow's show.
My final piece will be auctioned as part of the telethon on October 26th. If you would like to read more about my journey, and the tips that Philip has been giving me, log onto the "What's New" section on my website www.shalinisinha.com.
Shalini Sinha works as a life coach and practises the Bowen technique.