Second Opinion Carmel WynneIt's sobering to think that every decision we make is based on every other decision we have ever made, at every stage of our lives.
We make so many routine choices that most of would find it impossible to remember the important ones we made in the past year, let alone throughout our whole lives.
Yet, until we understand what motivated us to make the decisions we made in the past, we cannot begin to change what doesn't work in the present.
Life's path takes twists and unexpected turns that are both frightening and confusing.
We are drifting along, progressing happily in one direction.
Then some unforeseen event occurs and we are forced to swerve and go on a different path.
We have little choice about what life throws at us. But we have choices about the decisions we make in every situation.
Some children have exceptional parents who equip them with good decision-making skills.
The majority of us were not so blessed.
We had parents who did their best but whatever decision-making skills we now have, we learned through trial and error.
From a very early age we were taught that we got into trouble if we didn't do what our parents and adults expected.
There was a safety in being compliant because breaking the rules was dangerous.
We were programmed to make choices that were motivated primarily by fear. Now as adults many of are afraid to meet our own needs.
We hesitate to ask for the pay rise we so richly deserve. Fear that we might earn disapproval or jeopardise our position limits our choices.
How often in the past five years have you decided not to challenge the status quo? How often has fear limited your choices?
Many of us survived our childhood by learning to bury fear, anger and frustration.
Out of a mistaken sense of loyalty to our parents we blurred the childhood memories, sugar- coated the truth and even blamed ourselves for events that were outside our control.
As children we were taught to avoid hurting the feelings of others but many of us missed out on the lessons of how to be compassionate and take care of our own emotional wellbeing.
We are not confined by the decisions we made in the past. Once we understand how we allow our past choices to limit our freedom we can make different decisions. We can make our own rules.
We can discard the unhelpful decision-making that was grounded in the need to conform to feel safe.
We can make a free choice to cast off the shackles that diminish our freedom to take risks, see from a different perspective, look at life as an adventure, a challenge to be enjoyed.
The majority of us learn life lessons the hard way.
It's important to learn from our past mistakes. It's sobering to revisit the significant decisions we made.
In hindsight we can understand the consequences of the choices we now live by.
In childhood we learn to fear what we cannot control. As adults we learn that we have no control over the outcome of the majority of decisions we make.
Understanding this makes it easier to make your mind up to let go of the apprehension and trepidation around making choices.
Fear is a healthy response to unfamiliar or unexpected situations but when fear dominates our lives, our choices are limited.
We are afraid of stepping out of our comfort zones. We use outdated childhood strategies to feel protected and in that process we sabotage our own best interests.
To live life to the full requires ownership of our decision-
making. Learning from the life choices we made in the past will bring clarity of perception.
The way to create fulfilment is to make the decision to live authentically in line with our present values and beliefs.
We can generate new decision-making patterns that allow us accept life with all of its ups and downs.
It's possible to enjoy an underlying sense of wellbeing even when things are not going well in your life.
Living life to the full is a decision to seek the fulfilment we all richly deserve.
Carmel Wynne is the author of Coaching - The Key to Unlocking Your Potential.
She is also a life skills and business coach and psychotherapist.
www.carmelwynne.org
Shalini Sinha is on leave.