MIND MOVES:Learning to live for whatever makes life worth it
ON MONDAY evening, three twenty-something friends gathered around the kitchen table sharing a takeaway. A conversation began about the increasing amount of doom the nation is being subjected to about the financial crisis and about the people implicated in it.
We started to ponder what it would be like if we stopped listening to the media and just got on with life, focusing on what we could control and on what we do well. As we reached the bottom of our noodles, we each promised ourselves that we would begin to appreciate what we have, as opposed to lamenting what we have lost.
For many, dealing with the difficulties that are rife in Ireland at the moment is an unavoidable challenge, and one that can understandably leave you wondering why you bothered to get up in the morning.
For a young person, the outlook on future employment may look a little bleak, not at all what it looked like when you began that college degree four years ago, relatively sure of the exciting new job waiting to nab you at the tail end of the academic journey. Job opportunities have dwindled, friends are emigrating and the future is uncertain.
As a nation, we may find ourselves slipping beneath the weight of our country’s troubles. Things are changing and how we respond to what’s happening will determine whether we sink or swim. Do we fight the system, or begin to pull up our trousers and find a way to feel satisfied within our own lives and our own achievements?
I was recently inspired by the story of challenging the system in France after the Mayor of Paris decided to outlaw motorcycles filtering into the cities, adding that if motorcyclists didn’t like this, they could use public transport. In response, several thousand motorcyclists arrived in Paris and took up the same amount of space on the roads as cars would and, as a result, they essentially shut down the Périphérique motorway. The following day, more than a thousand motorcyclists, dressed in all their bulky protective attire, climbed aboard the metro system and jammed up the commuter lines.
Maybe it was not so great for regular commuters, but one can’t help but admire the extensive level of collective effort in getting their point across and standing up for their rights.
If we can’t fight the system, then perhaps we need to rediscover the meaning of what we may have begun to take for granted, those little things in life that have the power to restore our belief and faith in humanity. Take, for instance, the impact of good friends as opposed to acquaintances.
In a survey where young people were asked how many friends they had and later asked how many of these friends truly “had their back”, there was a striking discrepancy between their answers. In terms of real friends they can count on, the answer was an average 3.5. Not quite the “170 friends” their Facebook page might have one believe.
Instead of being too busy simulating happiness in an online world, we need to begin to find it again with each other in our real life interactions. We need to value the connections we have made with people who we can count on, those who will pick us up off the floor when the weight of the world renders us horizontal. These are the people who can help us to restore our faith in humanity, belief in ourselves and in our capabilities.
Since this conversation around the kitchen table, I have noticed a timidly emerging tendency to amend a previous habit of clinging on to my woes like some sort of melancholic security blanket that excused me from taking a chance. I’m not saying I won’t, on occasion, climb back underneath this blanket, but it’s a start.
Our lives are what we make of them, and how we resolve to deal with what is thrown at us. As Friedrich Nietzsche and later my father said, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. We are a resilient people and we are learning to take more risks, and live for whatever makes life worth it. Above all, we have to look after the relationships that mean the most to us. These are the people who will be there, standing right beside us when we lead our own revolutions.
Louize Carroll is Jigsaw Programme Development Officer in Headstrong – The National Centre for Youth Mental Health (headstrong.ie). Tony Bates is on leave