A New Life: Psychosexual therapist Mary O'Connor tells Susan Calnan she drew on her expertise when writing her novel Links.
Being the wife of Ireland's famous concert pianist - John O'Conor - and mother of well-known Irish actor, Hugh O'Conor, may seem like a full-time job in itself. But for Mary O'Conor, carving her own niche has always been an important priority. This may explain why she is already well known in her own right as one of Ireland's leading psychosexual therapists, with over 15 years of expertise in her field.
As if that wasn't enough, she has just embarked on a new career path as a fiction writer and, following the success of her first novel, Links, which was published last November, she has just put the finishing touches to her second book, due to be published later this year.
"I've always enjoyed the writing process and after I wrote my first book, Sexual Healing - a self-help guide to sex, I felt I'd like to try my hand at fiction," says O'Conor.
"As you get older, you have more experiences to draw on. And I always have these ideas for stories going around in my head, so I felt it was time to put them down on paper."
The novel centres around four female characters and their individual stories, who meet every Tuesday at their local golf club. A self-professed golf lover herself, O'Conor felt it would be interesting to use the golf club as a setting in her book, adding that it's important "to write about what you know".
In the book, the central protagonist, Madeline, returns to Dublin after her husband is killed in 9/11 in New York; on her return, she bumps into a former boyfriend and this triggers "a dramatic chain of events, both on the golf course and in the bedroom".
"There are quite a few sex scenes in the book, which did, I think, take a few people by surprise," says O'Conor.
"Writing sex scenes, I'm told, is supposed to be notoriously difficult but I think I'm getting better at it, particularly after the first book."
Of course, O'Conor must be able to draw on her experience as a sex therapist to help her write convincing love scenes?
"My work does give me a good insight into the types of problems that people encounter in their relationships, although I'm very careful about not using any of my clients as characters in the book. In a way, there are certain similarities between the therapy process and writing itself," she says.
"When you're working with a client, you have to, in a sense, peel back the different layers to get to the root of the problem; when you're developing a fictional character, you have to be aware of the different facets of their personality and, like therapy, it can take a while to 'get to know' your characters."
Just as a love of writing brought O'Conor to the world of fiction, a love of people and a desire to do something worthwhile ultimately attracted her to the counselling profession.
Originally from Cork, she moved to Dublin to work as a production assistant with RTÉ. During this time, she met her husband, John, and they married in 1972. After John won a competition to study in Vienna, they both moved there for five years and then back to Dublin again, where they brought up their two sons - Hugh and Keith.
"I've always found it hard to sit still for long and do nothing, which is something that I'm only beginning to accept about myself," says O'Conor.
"I remember one day, when Hugh was still very young and at playschool - I had all the beds made and the housework done by 10.30 that morning and I just thought to myself, 'my God, what I am going to do now'."
After Mary worked as a volunteer with The Samaritans, she decided to train in general relationship counselling. A few years later, she began to specialise in psychosexual therapy and went back and forth to the UK to complete her training.
"Working as a therapist can be quite draining and you do have to stay very focused but the rewards are wonderful," she says.
"When you work with someone over a few months, you really do get to know them and it's great when you see a result, when they finally walk in one day and you see a change. Some of my clients keep in touch afterwards and a few have even sent me pictures of their new baby, which is great because I love to know how their story turns out in the end."
Today, O'Conor works three days a week as a therapist and uses the rest of her time to write and to unwind. As well as playing golf most Tuesdays, she also spends a few weeks at a time at the family's second house in Florida, where she does a lot of her writing, after an early morning walk on the beach.
She's just recently finished her second fictional book, called Making Up, which she says will be set in the film world. Again, O'Conor has used her own range of experiences for inspiration, this time, the days she spent accompanying her son, Hugh, on film sets when he was a younger actor.
Like Links, O'Conor says that the next book promises to feature more colourful characters - including the bitchy American actress who relies more on her looks than on talent - not forgetting, of course, a few more salacious sex scenes. Plans are already germinating for a third book, although it's too early for her to say where it will be set.
In the meantime, O'Conor says she enjoys dividing her time between work as a therapist and writer, as well as spending time with her two sons who are her great friends and her husband John, who still travels widely.
"Things can get a bit hectic in our house and although we're not often all there together at the same time, we all have a good relationship," she says.
"In fact, I think one of the secrets of a successful relationship is having periods of absence and developing separate interests, as well as similar interests, so that when you come home you have stories to tell each other."
As a final parting question, is there anything that Mary O'Conor still feels she would like to do in life?
"Well," she pauses, "I'd always like to improve my golf handicap," she beams.
Links is now available in paperback, published by Townhouse.