When the abandoned extraterrestrial whispered "Home, Elliot, home" in the 1980s film ET, millions of people of every age and culture wept, says John Bradshaw. "We wept because we are still divine infants in exile. For many of us, finding our inner child is like finding home for the first time," he says.
The American author and counsellor is a major figure in the field of recovery and dysfunctional families. Billy Connolly is among many who credit him with helping to defeat his alcohol dependence; Oprah Winfrey, Barbra Streisand, Nick Nolte and Cher have also described themselves as Bradshavians. "I was counselling Roy Orbison before he died", says John Bradshaw.
But hedidn't want to be a therapist to stars." These people are just as screwed up as the rest of us, and they have the same opportunities as everyone else to attend one of our confidential workshops or use my books as a therapeutic tool."
Over 250,000 people world-wide have now worked through his book Home Coming to heal themselves of addictions, depressions, troubled relationships and chronic dissatisfaction. A number of Home Coming groups have been set up in Ireland, and John Brashaw's visit to the RDS on Sunday, September 21st, is expected to be a sell-out. Talking last week from his holiday home in Montana, he agrees that some adults hurt than others: "There are people who are more rounded, who have had their development needs met pretty well; they have more grace, if you will, were reared by more enlightened parents who didn't conform to the way they were told to do it.
"But parents can be abusive without being violent. Many of us were chronically shamed. Many adults grow up with 25,000 hours of parental critical voices ringing in their ears."
Drawing heavily on the works of Eric Burn, Carl Jung, Robert Bly and Alice Miller , Home Coming offers a step-by-step guide to reconnecting emotionally with your earlier self - from infant, through toddler, school and adolescent stages.
The first step is to work through what Bradshaw calls an Index of Suspicion, answering questions honestly about your adult vulnerabilities and anxieties to help you pinpoint the way in which some of your needs were unmet in childhood, and to what degree. The second task is to explore your personal history - what was going on when you were born, what kind of families did your parents come from? Next, you are encouraged to write letters to your inner infant and to reply in your non-dominant hand. "This bypasses the more controlling, logical side. It makes it easier to get in touch with feelings," says John.
The book includes guided meditations, affirmations and a section on integrating new insights into life now. John Bradshaw describes the whole process as early grief work, quoting Carl Jung's description of all our neuroses as `substitutes for legitimate suffering'.
The journey to self is, he says, painful but ultimately rewarding: "A lot of people have discovered goodness in themselves. They weren't as bad as they thought. Shame reads out the same for everyone, breeding isolation, self-criticism, perfectionism. They can begin to give that up. You don't get rid of all your problems, but you are more aware and better able to deal with them."
John Bradshaw is 64. His father was abandoned as a child, his mother was an untreated incest survivor, they met as teenagers and at 17 she was pregnant, and they had to marry. "My father was totally irresponsible, a five-year-old walking round in an adult body," he says. "My mother was ravaged by terror and shame and projected so much of that on to us". John became a wild adolescent hanging around with other emotionally needy kids. Later he studied for the priesthood while drinking heavily, but left before final vows. Some 25 years ago he gave up an academic career to pursue more therapeutic work.
Coming Home courses began in Dublin five years ago and now run continuously. Colm Wells, a trained counsellor, facilitates the 12-week course in south Dublin: "The tone is very gentle, non-confrontational. You do see people change. They begin to give up their people-pleasing, care-taking, co-dependency roles. I think the biggest transformation is that people become who they were meant to be, begin to achieve their God-given potential, their essential I am-ness".
John Bradshaw says he is much more peaceful and together these days, though some traits cast a long shadow: "I still over-react. If a person leaves a cup too near the edge of the table, I become hyper-vigilant, convinced it's going to fall and break. I'm at the airport an hour and 20 minutes earlier than I have to be. I'm still becoming".
A Day With John Bradshaw is at the RDS concert hall, September 21, 1997, doors open 9.45am, price £45. Home Coming: Reclaiming & Championing Your Inner Child, by John Bradshaw, is published by Piatkus, at £10.99 in UK. For information on Coming Home courses telephone 01- 4577417, (south Dublin), or 01- 8485482/8316058 (north Dublin).