MY HEALTH EXPERIENCE:IN JANUARY 2002, I decided to pack in my job as a van driver in Carrickmacross, Co Monaghan, and start doing stand-up comedy full-time. I had been doing some comedy pieces in the Comedy Cellar at the International Bar in Dublin, had been on a few shows on the BBC and Channel 4 and had been to Edinburgh Comedy Festival.
In April of that year, I was a headline act in the Laughter Lounge in Dublin. Four days later, at about 8pm, I was involved in a road traffic accident on the straightest stretch of road between Carrickmacross and Dublin. The crash was so bad the roof of my car had to be cut open so that I could be removed. I was brought to Our Lady of Lourdes Hospital in Drogheda and then transferred to Beaumont Hospital in Dublin. I was in a coma for 10 days.
I was in Beaumont Hospital for six weeks. I have no vivid memories of this time and was most preoccupied with my physical injuries. I broke my clavicle. I broke my hip in three places and my sternum in four places. I don’t think I really realised that I had a head injury until plans were made for me to go to the National Rehabilitation Hospital in Dún Laoghaire.
My girlfriend – who later became my wife – was completely shocked at the decision to transfer me to the National Rehabilitation Hospital. I realise now that I had to re-learn everything. I was there for three months and returned for vocational training from Sunday to Friday every week for two months.
Apart from having to re-learn all the basic things such as walking, dressing and washing myself (I didn’t lose my speech), there are huge memory problems associated with a brain injury. Every day, everything I did involved a big debate in my head: getting up, eating breakfast, getting dressed, going to the leisure centre. I had to talk it all through in my head before I did it.
At the early stages, if I made a mistake, I would be very hard on myself. I often felt I wasn’t far from that person in the corner clapping his hands with saliva drooling from his mouth. I did become clinically depressed, but I avoided anti-depressants because I thought they were a short-term solution.
One of the most frustrating things is that you can’t think of the exact word you need when you want to. People constantly say they often can’t think of the exact word too, but there is an increased frustration when you have a brain injury. In many ways, you become disconnected from your personal history – you can’t feel anything about the past and have to rebuild it all.
Another aspect of the memory loss for me was that I couldn’t remember what my CD collection sounded like. I used to go to a lot of concerts before the accident and I continue to go, but I have never felt the same passion and excitement that I used to feel. Now, I’m assuming that if I keep living my life, that passion will come back to me. It’s an incredibly slow journey.
About two years after the accident, I was diagnosed with a brain tumour. I have no way of knowing whether the two were related. In August 2004, I was rushed to hospital for brain surgery on what was found to be a malignant tumour. I had radiotherapy in St Luke’s Hospital in Rathgar after the surgery.
Amazingly, had I not had the car accident two years earlier, the brain tumour would have crushed me completely. Instead, I took a kind of laissez-faire attitude, thinking whatever happens, happens. I recovered from the brain tumour.
Lesley and I got married in 2004, but sadly we separated two and a half years later. One of the saddest things about a brain injury is that those nearest and dearest to you go through it all with you. My wife gave up everything to care for me. She propped me up and kept me motivated during the toughest time of my life. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be here now. Ironically, going our separate ways has probably been the best thing for both of us. I didn’t push myself in certain regards when I was with her. I am more capable now. Over the past few years, I have just focused on my physical self – going to the gym and the swimming pool and doing my physiotherapy exercises.
In 2008, I started to go to the acquired brain injury support group meetings in Castleblaney. I don’t like the term acquired brain injury because it sounds like something you go out and buy, but the meetings themselves have been great.
Initially, I didn’t want to go but I wasn’t doing anything else. I have been so surprised at the support we give each other. It’s just one or two hours a month, but they offer so much help. Last year, I was asked to facilitate the meetings in Castleblaney, which I now do every month.
Recently, I have started to go back to my comedy work. The biggest breakthrough for me has been the acceptance that I’m never going to be the person I used to be. But that didn’t mean that I had to be a worse person than I was. I could be a better person and, in some respects, I am.
In conversation with
SYLVIA THOMPSON
ACQUIRED BRAIN INJURY: WHAT IS IT?
An acquired brain injury results from harm to the brain caused by a blow to the head during a road traffic accident, a fight or a fall; a stroke or heart attack; a brain tumour or a viral infection such as meningitis or encephalitis. An acquired brain injury can impair speech, concentration and ability to make plans, solve problems, make judgments or cope with pressure. Physical problems are also common, especially after strokes.
BRÍ, the Brain Injury Support and Independent Advocacy, hosts monthly support group meetings for those with a brain injury. Contact Ned Rispin on ned@briireland.ie, or 086-3821033 or see briireland.ie.
