Emotions can run high when many residents won't live to see another Christmas
IT'S CHRISTMAS Day. The dinner has been eaten, the crackers pulled and people are dozing in chairs and on beds. It sounds like a typical scene in any home but the difference is that this is Marymount Hospice in Cork and many residents will not live to see another Christmas.
Director of nursing Finola O'Sullivan says she is always struck by the sense of peacefulness when she visits the hospice on Christmas Day.
"The sun is setting and people have eaten too much and they might have a glass of sherry or a mince pie. They are doing the same as people do all over the country."
Like all hospices, Marymount tries to send patients home for Christmas if that is their wish, but their 24-bed unit can be very busy. "We would have never less than 15 or 16," she says.
A decision to allow a patient to return home for Christmas is not taken until the last moment, to avoid building up hopes for the patient or family. "If they are not well enough, we don't even bring it up."
One would expect that hospices are extremely sad places in which to spend the festive season, but O'Sullivan says it's not always the case.
"The whole spirit of palliative care is captured in the meaning of Christmas," she says. "Christmas is full of hope. Of course it can be very sad and we can have people who die on Christmas Day but people always talk about the sense of hope they find here. Christmas is about the family and it enables family to come together in a very special way. It's a very poignant time here."
Staff nurse Sheila Cronin has worked on many Christmas Days at Marymount but doesn't complain. "It makes you appreciate your family because there are so many people who lose family members at Christmas," she says.
Patients wake up to see a present at their bedside and that can be very touching for a patient who is not expecting a present from anyone. "It can be a very busy day to work because you are getting people up to go home for Christmas dinner or for Mass in the chapel. In the morning the nurses are working flat out, trying to get everything done so people can sit back and relax," Ms Cronin says.
Every hospice has their traditions at Christmas, whether it's the visit from the local carol singers or the mayor dropping in to see the patients. But one tradition will be particularly emotional for the Northern Ireland Hospice in Belfast this Christmas.
For some 20 years, world cocktail champion Johnny Johnston called to the hospice every Christmas morning to mix alcohol and non-alcohol cocktails for the patients, their families and staff.
He was one of the best-known supporters of the hospice but he died in the hospice from heart failure in June. His daughter Lesley Moreland says it was lovely and fitting that he died there. "They said it was payback time for him, but you know they don't treat anyone differently in there. Everyone gets the care and attention they need."
She visited the hospice with him on many Christmas mornings and was struck by the rapport he had with patients and staff. "It's such a trying time for patients and their loved ones. I think dad used the cocktails to ease the tension and bring a little bit of sunshine into their lives. It was a special time. He took very ill in the last couple years and wasn't able to participate in the cocktails but his colleagues came up and did them and dad was always around."
Cocktails will be mixed at the hospice on Somerton Road this Christmas morning and many glasses will be raised to Johnny Johnston. But his family will be facing their first Christmas without him. Bereaved people often feel on the edge of normal life, according to social worker Peggy McCann, "and that feeling of dislocation can be really accentuated at Christmas time".
She is the senior social worker at the Northern Ireland Hospice and always notices an increase in requests for bereavement support at Christmas. "For many people, Christmas can be a really difficult time to get through. People have so many memories of the traditions and nostalgia that surround Christmas time."
When someone has been bereaved, she stresses the importance of talking about the deceased person as much as possible. "Remembering is very important and can help the grieving process," she says. "That's particularly true of children. They really benefit from talking about their special person and being involved in planning ways of remembering that person. Children want to have a say in what's going on."
People are often afraid to talk about the deceased person in case it upsets a child "but it enables a child to express what they are feeling. It doesn't cause pain, it brings to the surface whatever emotions they are feeling and validates them."
Northern Ireland Hospice also runs a children's hospice at Horizon House in Newtownabbey but it ensures that all children are at home for Santa's visit on Christmas Eve, and for Christmas Day.
If someone dies at Christmas then the festive season is forever changed "but all of life is forever changed for someone who has lost a significant person", she says. "People learn to get on with life again and invest in it. How long that takes is different for everyone."
For deputy ward manager Aileen McNicholl, Christmas Day will be another working day, but she doesn't begrudge a moment of it. "I literally live around the corner from the hospice and I think it doesn't do you any harm to work on Christmas Day. It keeps your priorities right. But it can be a very bittersweet experience. It's one of those 'lump in the throat' days."
She says it's a day of reflection for staff too as they remember patients who died. "There are always some people you particularly remember at Christmas for a variety of reasons. When you are standing there singing carols they will come into your mind," she says. "I actually look forward to working at Christmas. It's quite a privilege to work there and come home and appreciate the fact that you are with your family. It's a very special place."
