The Bigger Picture:Well, Christmas Day has come and gone now. The turkey is eaten, the presents opened and the rows that kicked off have probably simmered down by now, writes Shalini Sinha.
At this stage, we're tucking into the sandwiches, trying out our new wares (if they haven't yet broken) and settling down in front of the box in hopes of a reminiscent or heart-warming movie that will heal us from the energy and expectations we've spent over the past month.
This is a time when many of us get to relax and reflect. We've been well fed and graced with many indications that we are loved and thought about. We are now able to sit back and think fresh about ourselves and others. This usually prompts us to consider new directions for our life and the world around us. It is these days that silently creep towards a moment when either revelation or panic takes hold and we find ourselves suddenly and solemnly making a new resolution about our future.
For most of us the overindulgences of the past few days are what frighten us most. Couple this with the brief experience of rest and relaxation we've experienced in the past few days and we believe ourselves ready to make some real changes. As a result, losing weight and giving up smoking must be at the top of the resolution list. Still, there is one idea I would particularly like us to reflect on. It is about what is really important to us, what can actually make us happy and what has the power to make everything else better. It is the idea of peace.
This Christmas, alongside our exchange of presents, we also sent and received cards with good wishes. Most of the messages printed within were for peace and happiness. Indeed, across all our differences in religious practice, cultural background and physical appearance, what connects human beings around the planet is the basic need for peace. This is probably the most universal human value ever conceived of. It is also our greatest struggle.
So what does peace mean and how can we achieve it? When we think about a wish for peace, we usually turn our attention to situations of war and poverty in the world and hope that something could be done about them. Very quickly we feel overwhelmed. What's more, what most of us really crave in our lives is peace of mind. Inner peace is the real journey we desire. Indeed, it is this journey that makes greater peace in the world imaginable, even possible.
The fact is that human beings are making the decisions and creating the policies that ultimately result in war and poverty. Their priorities, choices and actions are having such monumentally destructive consequences, they are reaching each of us - no matter how far away we might be - leaving us feeling hopeless and powerless. Our own battle to recover inner peace means recovering our sense of empowerment and our potential to return an impact on the world and create something new.
It's strange how all the freedoms and independences we've fought for and gained in this world have taken an unexpected twist so that we are actually less confident and self-assured than our counterparts might have been in previous generations. There is a way the whole individual culture has not delivered what was hoped for, but rather, has left people feeling more powerless and in this way, dependent on others for their happiness. When this happens the culture of blame, judgment and control follow. We want compensation for everything and retribution when things go really wrong. Yet, the only thing that can and will actually heal anything is understanding.
When our sense of happiness becomes linked to our perception of what others think and do, not only do we put off taking charge of our own life, but we try to control the behaviours of others. We might do this in subtle or explicit ways, consciously or unconsciously. In any case, it makes us very unhappy.
The world today seems to be set up such that it has actually become easier - even convenient - to be unhappy rather than happy. We are encouraged to be judgmental and blame our surroundings for the outcomes in our lives. Our idea of assertiveness is derived from an insistence that we are right and know best - a context that inhibits our own growth and development. Furthermore, it introduces the concepts of people being wrong and stupid - ideas which are never accurate and always hurtful. We're all left feeling angry and powerless.
There is a real connection between our personal sense of power and peace of mind. When we can take responsibility for ourselves and take action on things that are very meaningful to us, we open up the possibility for happiness. To do this, we must start trusting ourselves that we are likeable, loved and the things we dream of are worthwhile. When we know these things, we stop being so pre-occupied with the limits of others. We become free to live our lives fully and ultimately influence the world around us. This is when everything changes.
Shalini Sinha practises life coaching and the Bowen technique in her clinic, Forward Movement.